I hate drunk drivers. FUCK! I shouldn't have to hear
that someone close to me has been a victim of a
drunk driver. Got Damn man, if ever there were
times when I really wouldn't have a problem
touchin someone, this would be the case. . I'm not
happy about it at all.. Thank u jesus they were ok.
I aint got shit else to say today...
. . sent via tmobile sidekick 3. .
So I watched "the great debaters" last night and
I was definitley impressed with the movie. It had
a few loose ends but overall I was all eyes with it.
Little Jurnee Smollet has turned into quite the
woman, and she has a strong strong voice. I
enjoyed lookin at the mature version of lil eve
from eves bayou, and she had that attention
grabbing voice in the movie. Denzel in all his luster
gave one of those performances where you can tell
her took a backseat to expose the power of the
young actors who surrounded him and give them
the shine, of to which I applaud him. I must admit that if denzel knew
how much of his "swag" I've
stolen from him over the years, lol, he would
prolly have me arrested for copyright infringement
LOL. jk. But for real, its all in the appeal for some,
and when you have the aura to snatch everyones
attention in the room without saying anything,
that's called the "Denzel factor". :D sorry Mr. W,
I've stolen the factor. ha! Especially if I step in
somewhere fitted to the tee. Watch out!! *fixes
my tie*..
song of the day."on my own"- lil wayne, the carter
fast paced, unorthodox, basically 4 minutes of raw
flows. favorite verse?. . . "outta all the hot boys
she say I'm tha coolest!" . . well, its only right. You
can see the confidence ooze outta this blog.
cheerio.
. . sent via tmobile sidekick 3. .
I was thinking of all the songs that I really love
and have so many great memories of. All of those
songs that I used to gig to when I was going thru
the 18-21 stage of life, the songs that I have
connected with certain people, etc. Its a mind
blaster to see how much music is a part of my everyday living. And I say
that as I sit in the car wit no music LOL ( I have to get the cd player
fixed).
Song of choice right now- bobby valentino's "tell
me". This song went to work!! along with the album
in itself reminds me of the summer of 06. That
bass beat banged extra tuff, and gave you the 2
step feel that gave the grown up touch to those
of us who were ready to step our games up. Here's
to "tell me".. and not the version wit lil wayne
eitha! the original. Everybody turn it up loud, 2 step
wherever you are, and feel good about it.
I'm gonna get back to doing my dissections of my
favorite artists, cds, etc and puttin em up. its
been a while since I did that. but its a beautiful
dissection.
:D
Is it cars.. is it girls.. is it money?...the world?
*currently bumping "the fighters"-Lupe fiasco*
Neva me against the world is how I look to the skies. As I crawl into 08 on my last leg of 07, which was a trying year to say the least, I recall so many emotions that were exposed in the 365 perilously frightening and eye opening days that I was supposed to believe would be a great year for me.
I have shifted my overall focus from 2007 which was to have fun and enjoy the last half of my jordan year, to the seriousness that my life has become in 2008. Its truly amazing how much sight you can lose in a span of 365 measly days. How you can feel like your floating one day, and then 6 feet under the next. Those who read this and may not know me, should know that my turnaround rate of anger is extrmeley quick. I can be angry about something one day, and as I think more about it, it will become more irrelevant and the next day, will be a pure after thought. Whether it be someone hating, me not getting a job I wanted, getting scolded, messing up a relationship with someone.. I have an extreme quickness in my jump back ability.
A downfall? possibly. The fact that I know Im like that makes me believe its a blessing. A blessing to not dwell on the small things, and focus on the biggest picture of all.. That I need to focus on bettering myself without the distractions. The blurs of the hearsay, the bulbous amounts of information placed into ones head that really doesnt need to be there. I just disregard it. However, if it is high in importance, I will evaluate.
2008, yea I know we always talk about, "well if you werent doin anything to change yourself before the new year comes you really aint gon be shit when you hit the new year".. But wy cant one have hope they will change. A change doesnt come at the strike of midnight, jan 1 of the next year.. But the hope of a new start, the ability to press the reset button gives me a sense of comfort. I told myself that this year, I am getting rid of the inconsistencies in life.. and ya know what.. how funny that on january 2nd, I decided and was at peace with a decision I made to release a bacteria in my life. A cancerous friend. and I feel good about it. They aint here for the equality that a friendship entails, only selfish gain. So poof..
On to the grind. On to the possiblity that I may have someone in my life this year that could change my aspects of thinking in more ways then one. On to the posting everyday on my blog if i have to, just to say hello or peace and blessings to you who might read it.On to stopping the biting of my nails.. not extending myself to others who really dont need it. Making my decision final in something I do or dont wanna do, and not being wishy washy in my thoughts.. On to running full speed ahead at this game called life, cause right now I feel as if im just jogging.. I look back at 07, and I didnt smile as much as i did in 06 , or years b4... I frown a lot more, (thanks T for rubbin those wrinkles outta ma head when i do LOL, lookin out for me when i get older ). So on to smiling, and being ACTUALLY happy, and reaping the benefits of my hard work. On to my spirituality stepping its game up, and remembering where I come from, how much support system I have, and who is really important.
I question myself everyday as I look in the mirror.. in this world, as you go through everyday.. am I relevant?.... if not, whose job is it to make me relevant.. and ultimatley, I look at that mirror and see the face smiling back at me and tellin all the world... "here i come...."
Yall aint ready... or are you.
Almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08.Funny sidenotes for the evening:Last night, I had to flash on a lady cause she was disrespectful. and that's not a good look. As I walked my friends to their car (they had on some smaller dresses, so naturally u kno how dudes are..."hey ma! hey chocolate!" ..etc.) miss booboo comes up and stands directly in between me and said party and proclaims " my girl wants ya numba and she too shy to come ask, ion care bout this hoe in front of you cause she would disrespect me bla bla bla"... SO OFF TOP DISRESPECTFUL!I was appauled. . never happened to me before. crazy!the boldness!the gall!I didn't even know what to say. I brushed her off, later on saw her at lyons, and exposed her on her foul ways. She says " I was just trying to help my friend out, she woulda done it for me blip bap bang..." erroneous. man, whassup wit the disrespectfulness nowadays.. Jeesh. my forgetful nature allowed me to let it go, plus, its not that important. Almost have a new job, the search is comin closer and closer to a means. Keep prayin fa me!
I got gas cards for christmas. 4 of em. 25 a piece. 100.00 in gas cards. I was in heaven lol. gas is 7 million a gallon now, I'd much rather run to work.
. tadow. good evening.
the worst look is an empty wallet, but we all go thru it. . . we go thru the days of "i want that but i cant have it:".. it happens. and of course to me it has happened toward Christmas time. tho I am not too worried about it of top, i have too many other priorities to be worried about (school, work, new gig, etc). . ive been speaking to old friends lately, and wondering if that is something that is remotely acceptable or good to be around. its whatever i guess.. i havent written in the blog in forever.
Thanksgiving was just that, a time to be thankful to be around family. I swear i gained like 10 pounds, but prolly lost it all walkin in the mall the following saturday lol. isnt it the worst feeling to walk in the mall knowing your not gon by a single thing?. i kno im not the only one involved in that life quarrel. the family got together, took all kinda of pics, ate all kinda food, smiled, frowned. i swear i took out 15 bags of trash for my parents, and my name was called at least 852 times. My name seems to be the default around holiday time. once again, i didnt mind... the holidays bring the acceptance out of you and you dont get as frustrated as you would ona hot summer day visiting your parents house..
random thought: i wish my oldest sister would help clean.. nothing more frustrating then to have someone drop their dirty dish in the sink, look at you like you sposed to clean it, then walk away... i guess the saying is true, cant teach an old dog new tricks.. not calling her an old dog (29), but the tricks can not be taught. lord help the soul who inherits her laziness.. LOL.
weather is gloomy, its cupcake and inside by the fireplace season. definitley.. though i dont neccesarily follow suit in that instance. i dont know. whatever. maybe i do, maybe i dont..
I need seclusion from the world around me.. maybe just my city, so i think that calls for a vacation. outside of cali. how acceptable would that be around xmas time, and new years time. regardless how it will be accepted, im still gonna do it if its the last thing i do.
brief update, and thats it. more later, i promise to write everyday in my journal this upcoming month. . along with so many other changes. 07 hasnt been the strongest year at all... FIVE (yes 5) funerals, changes in occupation, a lost interest, and numerous other counts of issues has got me wanting to just get outta this month and look forward to a better 08. *crosses fingers*
" its a beautiful thing to see the essence of a queen, complexion similar to me, so serene. makes my soul scream.."
many inquire as to why and when i will alow myself to transition into one with the better half potential in life.. a question i cant answer, only dissect into this analogy.
as my clair huxtable..
its simple to think that it will fall into place.. that one day she will step to me in her ever present appeal, sweep me off, and allow me to finally be rid of this block of surrealism i have allowed myself to put up.. the block of nothing-ness that draws me away from the norm, and into my non believing world.
with her spiteful stare, her endearing care, she wants to be closer to me. not in an instant of physicality, but that of spiritual endeavors.. neccesity to me, as it draws me nearer to her. a woman who strives for completion, who needs to grind to be at ease with mind.. her evenflow of existence is what allows her to smile at the small things,
rubbing bare skin, whispering the potentials within, allowing me to grow and achieve manhood within all the while becoming the woman in every aspect possible.
argumenative in her rage, with points to be made, ultimatley fiding a median and conclusion to maintain happiness at the end of the day..
her desire unmatched, with the full on drive to succeed and keep my desire attached. challenging each and every day to keep the intangibles key. expand the possibilities and strive to be successful in all avenues.
she can grow on me like a weed, forcing my thoughts to her at any time indeed..its so much more then just the thoguht process, and the infatuation stage, to keep it going and going.. it falls faster and reaches longer than a dream of she..her smirk can light up the skies.. shes the one to force you to need to be around, attracts attraction and has flair..
maintains and preserves her sexy, manicured nails, pedi toes, done hair..hygiene and swag, mean and vicious.. makes me wanna holla everyday.. not just at the initial hello.. eye contact without say so, sway back, wont allow my attention to detach. so much more than the physicial attributes tho, cause most dont know that the mental creates the physicial.. when she wakes up, her first thoughts are those of praise to the one above for her existence again. independent, only dependent on her faith.. wears her heart on her shoulder, can keep composure.. the goals embedded into her mind are the statements quoted in her everyday life, found only thru her results and those thoughts none can find.. strong like an ox.. speaking to me subliminally from across the city, my thoughts grow and mold unto hers..
I expect myself to strive for perfection, knowing that will never come, but still with visions in that direction. Expectations of my counterpart to strive to the upper level as well, so that we as one can eventually succeed and watch our successes maintain as well..
