Tuesday, May 8, 2007

the interference that is running through my brain is really causing a big problem in my everyday living as of the last 2 weeks..

ive made it back from texas, sticky texas.. within spending time with my family, i didnt get much time to reflect on the events that have taken place in the last 10 days.. starting with the confirmed death of my grandmother, and the realization that after that it wont be the same for my dad or my family for that much.. pops was going thru it, as he should have.. that was his mother.. my emotions were in tune for the most part when it happened, one reason being i didnt really know her.. met her 4 times, but while it crushed my dads insides, that forced me to be affected.. times like this i wish that you could just stop working for a minute and recollect every thought.. but thus is life.

so i went to texas.. but before i went to texas.. i had to deal with home.. afta the phone call told me what had happened at the club on tuesday, i rushed up there naturally to make sure none of mine were injured..i found out it was ma kebret (i used to call her keebler..), and it got all downhill from there.. i dont wanna get too deep into it, cause it really affects me..especially since i had to call my boy and tell him his girl was shot.. be in the hospital alll night long, see the family react to that tragic news, and feel selfless to know that this would affect so many people ina negative way.. and o yea, go to texas the following day for a funeral..

texas was fun and eye opening.. i met family members i hadnt met ever, and ones i hadnt seen in a long time.. all grown up and with different aspects and mind frames.. most of the time was spent sitting outside enjoying the humidity and crazy weather, rain off and on.. with a beer and some great great food.. i gained some weight out there. good weight. i was worried about ma dad not doin well, but it seemed when we, his kids, got out there, he was fine.. i hope thats what the reason was, cause that would be fine with me.. random phone calls to check in on my extended family back home helped me stay on top of things there, which helped the transition.. but back to texas.. we spoke on childhood fun, i saw pics of my dad when he was 18, made me laugh how much we looked alike.. he laughed and laughed, didnt have much of an appetite, but drank like a fish.. i was by his side for the most part, have to make sure my dad is good..the funeral was not as easy for the family, but we all were strong.."eye on the sparrow" was a choice song sang, and that tore the church down.. and once again.. we ate.. my favorite from the trip had to be ma cousin james "cocheese" briggs.. classic storytellin wit that southern twang.. hes a great man that made the transition of death easier for everyone, especially my dad..

***special shoutout to shaka.. made those days easier to get thru witcha convo.. u are appreciated***

afta all these events, my brain is left ina clutter of thoughts.. mostly pretaining to how im gonna change some things over the next coming months.. my birthdays coming, i needa do something for that.. i feel that a change needs to come, stagnant is my approach to life right now...

all i know is my prayers are with all of those caught in the rapture of life that is death, its the coldest game and leaves its mark on everyone.. damn sure has left its mark on me.. and im affected by it, sincerley..

.. change gon come.

1 comment:

Lady nicole said...

I am deeply sorry baby for your loss. I hope you are doing ok, My blessings are with you.