Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Its our anniversary...hey yeaah.. lol

am so happy that thy have endured times tales,
and not allowed anything to come between them.
Its a blessing to see a full on family built from
them, and their longevity stands strong. Mom, Dad
you are truly a blessing to all you have come
across.. I LOVE YOU.

your only son,

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

100 posts strong.

Song of the day- "Been a long time" by New Birth...

So. This is officially my 100th post! Id like to thank the lord, my parents, the people, the readers, and my brain... OFF TOP. LOL.

This is something that I do to release those millions of thoughts going on in my head at any time.. I let yall into my life outside of my life, the life that many dont see, hear about or experience.. and for all the insights and laughs yall give me, I appreciate you..

So. This past weekend was one that was enjoyable to say the least. Had a great time meeting new people, and spending just great growing time.. I went to a wedding, and to say the least, it was an interesting wedding... T's cousin was getting married, and his wife to be is of filipino/indian descent.. Well, T's cousin is of course black, so its an interracial thing. We got there around the time the bride and groom kissed, I wasnt really trippin, it was windy outside and it was in the grass. The bar was providing free drinks for the first hour, so you know I was happy LOL.

As everybody comes on in and everything is commencing, Im meeting more family members and such.. a nice little atmosphere. Well it comes time for the wedding party to speak, and then the parents.. well, the brides father, the indian part of her, was up next..

It went something like this.. LOL.

Father: "Id like to thank everyone for coming, Im happy my daughter looks beautiful on her happy day. I cannot say that I am the most happy father right now, nor can I say I really have approved of the marriage, seeing as we had someone planned for my daughter already. But she looks beautiful nonetheless.."
*sidenote* A brotha at our table was cosigning so tough while pops was talkin.. "I respect him at least he keeps it real, bla bla bla.." We were all lookin at this brotha like "shutup!!!!"

We, sitting on the side of the black family, were all open-mouthed.. LOL. the stern approach he put into the statement was what struck me the most, I mean he held not a punch and let the whole congregation know he was not all for the marriage.. I understand the indian culture to a certain extent and know that whole arranged marriage situation, as well as those families disowning their children should they marry outside of their race/culture.. Serious stuff..he also mentioned his daughter was the last descendant of an indian prince.. I got weak when Q said " well I guess that means that lineage is killed.. no more aladdin!".. sorry. LOL

So, next, the mom (whos filipino) gets up.. We all shakin our heads like how can this get worse, the tension on the black side is boiling at this point. So here comes filipino mom..

*sidenote 2*.. a filipino woman married to an indian man.. yet he has reservations about his daughter with a black man... *scratching my head*

Mom: "Im so happy to have D in our family, we expect great things and are happy to have him, this just makes it that much better and we have more COLOREDS in our family..*smile*"


Awww man.. aww man.. lol. I respect my people for their patience cause noone set it off in that mutha, thank goodness.. needless to say, the reception was a hit in my book.. There was a waiter that had on an extra medium shirt when he shouldnt have, looked like he had a b cup at least.. then there was a brotha that had a jheri curl with maximum hangtime like Darryl from "Coming to America".. I was gettin weak offa him drippin juice into peoples champagne all day HA.

All in all, the weekend was full of relaxation, good food.. (red lobster, a japanese hibachi place called ooka, so many otha spots.. ) and just overall great time spent. I needed it too, especially cause Im back on the grind and pushing hard to get a new gig.

Questions: How do you feel about interracial dating? how would you feel if your child brought home someone of another race? How were you raised to believe on interracial dating?


So, I'm back. :) In an okay mood. Had a selectively
good weekend, and now I'm back to my grind.
Nothing feels better then getting away from your
stresses...until you come right back to em. BLAH.

So, how ya doin?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008


So Ive been tagged by The Flyyest and The F$%K it list dammit! LOL.. well here it is..

Here are the rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you…

2. Mention the rules in your blog…

3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours

4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them

5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

Heres me. Ina nutshell.

1. When we were younger, my sisters and I used to have a "national cuss day" where we would walk around the house saying any cuss word known to man. Of course it was usually in the summertime, cause our parents would be at work. So we would be cleaning the house, watching tv and stuff and then outta nowhere, "shit!" hahahaha..It was a great time for us, cause we felt free.. and would laugh and laugh and laugh..good times with my sisters when I was younger.

2. I'm a mentor. I like to take time outta my life and help or lead by example to some youngsters in my life. I enjoy doing it, since such a great example was set for me by my father.. its easy to talk to young people, and with kids they see the good in you, and the genuine step in your approach. So I have an easy time with them. I may not be the millionaire with all the quirks, but I still like to see the best outta people.

3. I kinda have ESP. I have been known to say a lotta things that people are thinking and then they say " I was just gon say that!!!".. Its the worst with my best friend Q, we been around each other for so long that I just know what the brotha is thinking. He hit me up on the way home from work yesterday and was like "whatup mayne, what you up to?".. i said "driving down bradshaw.." and at the same time we said "yea, drivin down JBL.." hahaha.. and laughed and laughed.. its crazy.. I really think I can steal peoples brain waves..So watch out!

4. I sometimes take showers in the dark. Helps my thought process and helps me clear my head in times of confusion. I probably have been taking quite a few in the dark lately with all this confusion in some aspects of my life.. Just letting the water run down and clearing my head. In this world of noise and cell phones, me and the shower quiet is a surefire relief.

5. I give great massages. I was actually taught by my old friends mom the techniques, she gave me a book and stuff and taught me some strategies. Its refreshing to get a good massage, so I wanted to know how to give that feeling. Now I know.

6. I have a shy side. Doesn't come out a lot, but it is there. I like to lie to myself and say I'm reserved, but in reality, its the shyness that I have always had and still kinda do to this day. Like I said its rare, but if you see me slip to the back of the room, its the shy in me lol..

So theres some things about me...hmm.. I think most everyones been tagged lol.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Ask me...

SOOOOOO..Im following suit today LOL


heres ya chance . Ill answer.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Last I checked, im grown...

Song of the day- .. AINT NO SONG OF THE DAY. My speakers at work dont work. so all I been hearing all day is ruffling papers. Everybody get on that "stomp" hype and make beats at ya desk.. boom boom clack!

So yesterday, as Im coming back from Carl's Jr/Green Burrito with my nachos, and Mrs. Crazy weave (bosslady) calls me in her ofice with this dumb smirk on her face. Lookin like she just found her favorite easter egg or something, she proceeds to tell me she has some good news. Apparently, she has "manipulated" the powers that be to keep us around another week, since next week is "administrative appreciation day" on Wednesday. I mean shes giddy, happy as a 6 yr old on christmas morning. Im just sitting there looking at her like, OK... so I consider it and tell her ill stay, I go back to my desk and ponder over some things and get to thinking. Yea Im happy I get to get another weeks check, GOD's way of helping me out a little longer until my next job comes.. preciate that lord.. but Ill be damned if I sit here and get treated like kunta kinte.. see, I know whats going on. They got all this backlogged work, and they dont have noone to do it until the permanents actually get here, give or take a couple weeks. But, im not the one to sit and wait for you to tell me that next week, wait not this week the week after.. wait maybe in 2 weeks, will be my last day. Im already in the negative mindset around here that Im just trying to make some connections and do it movin from the spot that dropped me like a 2.00 hooker..yet you want me to be ecstatic when you tell me YEYYY! WE GOT YOU ANOTHA WEEK OFFA DEATH ROW!

...miss me..with that.

So Im happy to gain another check, and be able to live comfortably a little longer, granted I fully expect to be blessed with a new gig sooner than later. But for the record, my birthday aint June 7th 2003.. its June 7th, 1983.. I told my boss I fully feel like yall givin me the toddler treatment.. toyin with me..and last I checked.. Im grown


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Rock Solid... Sometimes

I was reminded today of a situation I had to endure last year around this time this morning while reading -1-'s blog.. And how that situation really affected my mental.

It was when a friend of mine was killed, hit by a bullet in the back of the neck/head area.. I wont forget how long I was at the hospital that evening, and how long everything seemed to take. I wont forget that we were really good friends, and that I was kickin it with my girl Drea, Silvia, my boy Rell and Rip when Drea got the call that someone had been shot at the club down the way. It was an 18 and over spot, so naturally I declined on going.. I decided instead to have a nice night and eat some food from friends who loved to cook for fellow loved ones... but as we got to the club it was something different, seeing as we thought it was her sister and not her that had been shot.. and that it wasn't as major as it may have seemed.. But when I found out it was "Keeb", things shifted. My little homies came up to me knowing that we were close and were hysterical about the situation, screaming that they saw her get shot and that she was bleeding all over the place..all I could do was kinda search around and try to find a resolution to the issue at hand.

I saw her cousin running around without shoes on and screaming at the top of her lungs.. she saw me, and of course she probably could tell I didn't entirely know what was going on. Assuming I was probably with keeb's boyfriend ( we kicked it a lot at the time) she hysterically asked me "Wheres T!!!!!".. nobody knew where he was, I'm still wondering what happened, and allthewhile shes shaking and screaming about T needs to know..T needs to know.. So once I finally found out the whole situation, and realized my boy did not know his girlfriend was in rapid pace to the ER, I chose to make the call to him. Not sure why, looking back, would I not have called and had him find out another way? I don't know, but it burdened me..and I was THE most nervous on the phone Ive been in my life..

"T, get inya car man.. this aint good.. iono whas goin on, but I guess keeb got shot and she on the way to tha hospital... I need you to get her right now T.. Please man.. cmon.."

"wait..wait..wait.. wut? swag don't play with me man, what you talkn about.. what you tryna tell me man?!?!?!

He got hysterical and hung up the phone.. got there about 10 minutes later looking around. I told him to follow me to the hospital and we would go from there, but instead he just sped off without me.. So I jump into my whip and speed to the hospital as well..called him about 5 times, he finally picks up and walks out. Apparently, shes in the ER and they are tryna revive her cause the shot was direct..this is where the situation was difficult enough for me to know that my friend was laying there fighting for her life, but at the same rate to see my boy going through the motions, killed me on the inside.. We stepped outside, cause he couldn't be in the hospital, and he literally broke all the way down.. a man with tears down his face trying to force out the words "shes trying, swag.. shes fightin!!!" please.. just let her get through man.. please swag.. I cant do this without her.." and so on and so forth..

..I can seriously say that I wont ever forget that moment.. EVER.

I couldn't do anything at all. helpless. In a life where sometimes my words can help a situation with a little uplifting jargon, I couldn't say a word.. I couldn't move.. I couldn't cry.. I wont forget that moment.. helpless as a newborn baby..and my boy was losing his rock..his love..

For about 15 minutes all I could really say to him was "she gon make it T, you know she strong...shes a fighter..".. if at any time I felt like there was no one in the world but me and someone else, that was really it. 15 mins felt like 15 years that night. Eventually his mom got there, her family had to drive all the way from the bay area, and people started to show up.. emotions flowed, and there was about 40 people in the hospital waiting room.. I noticed 2 things happen, and I'm not sure everyone else noticed it.. myself and Drea did though. They said code blue in the wing she was in, and then the chaplain snuck out.. I saw it and kinda dropped my head, and Drea tried to hold it in, but she exploded.. it caused a chain reaction cause now everyone was noticing that the situation just got worse.. I still couldn't cry, I don't think that my face changed expression for fear that if someone saw the change of emotion, it would read so tough from my face that I already knew Keeb had passed, they would know and it would be a wrap.. Once it was found out she wouldn't make it, well needless to say.. it was indeed a wrap. I still stood still, and emotionless.. T, well.. T just.. I don't know. I cant explain it through my fingers.

I just kinda stood there, trying to take everything in. And then I had to take people home, still tryna remain the rock. As I dropped off the last person, I realized that I had just gone through the death of a good friend.. and I also had to fly out the next morning at 8am to Texas for my grandmothers funeral.. If ever in life I had zero energy, and no feeling, complete numbness and was seriously moving on autopilot only knowing where I was at the smallest moment in time, it was at that point. I went home, I sat down.. couldn't believe anything, and I just released.. I ain't cried that hard since.. well..ever. I think this is the first time Ive written about it..still hurts to think on it. But I'm better with it.

I have had many a situation where Ive had to remain composed and be the rock for people. I don't knock it at all, I take it as HIS way of maybe showing me I have a strong soul and can take tough times.. I was mad this whole weekend, going into this week about my job situation, but no matter how hard I tried to be mad.. I don't stay that way. I regain the composure, and just keep moving. I may have a word of wisdom for someone going thru it, and I take it head on.. even in times of death. Some say holding it in and releasing it finally is bad, but maybe sometimes if people see the composure from me, they may see that it indeed will be ok.. I don't know. But im not complaining.

Friday, April 11, 2008

When it rains...

Song of the day- "Aint that a bitch" by Lil Wayne...

Here. we. go. again..

I noticed a trend happening in my life. Something drastic always seems to happen towards the beginning of every year inthe first 6 months leading up to my birthday (June 7th) that throw me for a loop, and have me back at square 1.

So its already a known fact that I moved outta my home this week, and officially spent the first night back at my parents on Wednesday. Im leaving the house around 10ish, goin to my folks house to kikit wit the extended fam for a little bit, release some stress, and of course as Im leaving I hear "dont come back too late!.. and dont chu be drinkin and drivin.. bla bla bla bla bla"..with a shake of my head I walked out the door in disgust.. Its already started... I slept in thiis full size bed for the first time in like 4 years, so used to stretching out in my good ole cali king.. this transistion is not going to be an easy one. I have plans to go to the lake this weekend and hang out with all of the loved ones, I can hear it tomorrow already..

mom: " I need you at the house all day today to do any and every small thing I ask, including just look at me so I know you aint doing anything but that..." (exaggerated...but you get the point)

me: " momma, I have plans..."

mom: "NO.. YOU DONT..." (insert argument..)

They say silence is golden at times, but me being me, and being ina situation where something is not right and affecting me, I will speak up.. so I know it will be very hard to grit my teeth and shut up for this stint in cell block 9476..*i feel a migraine coming*

My boss called me into the office on Wednesday to talk about a quick assignment. So as we talked about it and finished up the subject, she kindly inserts.." oh by the way, seeing as we just hired on the 2 new perms, and your a temp to hire, your last day of your assignment will be the 18th of this month..."

...... wait... wut?

my job is a 6 month temp to hire position, of which Ive been doing well at and had the utmost that I would get swooped up with open arms come August. I was told when I started, it would be a minimum of 6.. (1,2,3,4,5,6).. months. But out of the blue, with the sneakiest and most nonchalant way to say things, she told me Im outta here.. NEXT WEEK. a weeks notice. And the bitch gon have the nerve to sit here and talk to me like I never worked there.. "the county is a great place to work, I think you should take a few tests, you might like it here... ".

...wait....wut? *migraines here..*

SO, as of the 18th of April, barring some help from the woman who hired me, I will once again, be without steady income.. *shakes head* I spoke with Laura, the woman who hired me, and she assured me of course she didnt know about this situation, and they had nothing but great things to say about me here.. its just that the perms they hired are filling the role.. keep in mind, they hired OA's.. ima Sr. OA... 2 different Im on the short end of the stick. A woman just resigned here yesterday, I just found out..So you would think in the time of need, they wouldnt let anyone go... this bass ackward place is about to feel my wrath. I called in yesterday, on some fuck you type ish.. I didnt care.. and still dont.

7:55am (5 mins b4 start time).. me: "Hi, im not coming in today"
snaggertooth boss: "oh, well is everything alright?"
me: "yup, just not coming. bye.."

Needless to say, she should know whassup. So now, once again, im back at square 1. Frustrated, annoyed, but at the same rate, I cant let this faulter me. But the feeling of the weight of the world is on my back strong.. and I have no pain killers..

3. Today my truck overheated.. turns out one of the pipes or somethin leading to my radiator is busted, causing a healthy leak of the fluids.. felt real shitty to shut down on the way to my parents house for some lunch.. ANOTHER thing to deal with..

They say it happens in 3's.. well dammit, this 3 pointer has all but ended my career in retrospect..


Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Miss FreshTaDef...

A zone restricted to those,
that only take it in stride
Learning to glide with the flow
not only go..
it takes many a man
to understand
why the world does not turn the otha way..
but I deal with what I deal with
and ultimately my faith na'er stray...
Living and walking
wit an urge to succeed
not even the downfalls
of my elder men reiterated
stop ma strive to need..

Need lust for life,
lust for her,
lust to live,
lust for birth..
I take it all in
with a breath and a smirk,
and realize maturity is the ultimate work..

Whether Miss Freshtadef cut open the wound
that allowed the skies to fly
remains to be seen
to my naked eye.

Though an individual
can influence the world
somehow it seems
that in my eyes
possibly I've been influenced
by this girl..
Her indefinite happiness
shadowed with the trials that life brings
the sturdiness of the backbone
the sexiness she perceives..
taking full advantage of what's thrown in direction
ensuing the utmost attention
amongst hidden protection..
tho 5 minutes not enough to know
and realize ones full potential,
like a lottery team with its first pick
investment controls any aspects
taken by my mental..

freshness stings the air
with so much perception
the namesake so fitting
when she looks in my direction..
So hence tha name
Miss Freshtadef..
without knowing outcome
of jumping from that incredulous cliff
I still proceed
to take the first step..

She is...

*written and copyrighted by MistaSwag, any use of this will result in my snipers shooting u down.. *

Monday, April 7, 2008


Song of the day- "Sunshine" by Lupe Fiasco- "outta the trillions of numbas thas in tha world/ just leave me a few/ that lead to you/ wont be longin/ Ill see you in the monin, coo?

Random: remember JS? The duo that came out with "ice cream" and "love angel"..? Kels thought he was gonna make it big with those ladies (he and mr. biggs), but somehow they flopped.. hmm. I listened to the cd this morning, and it really was not that bad of a cd. Exhibit A

I was sick as a dog last week, hence no posts since tuesday.. I rarely get sick, but when I do, and Im actually not stubborn enough to admit im sick, its pretty bad. Everyone in my office has caught the sickness and here I was walkin round head held high with vitamin c in hand proudly displaying my mucus free nose.. UNTIL wednesday night when I couldnt sleep and it felt like my back was trying to come thru my stomach, and my nose was full of molasses. Not a good look to say the least. When Im sick and cant sleep, or when my back is killing me, I tend to just sit up in a random area of the house and stare into nothingness, trying to find a reason or cure for the sickness. Medicine never works immediately so its suffering for about 30 mins. Well I found myself sitting on the arm of the couch for a good 45 mins (245-330AM) looking nowhere.. and in pain. Next day went to Dr. Momma and got some stuff.. I swear i was poppin pills like an ecstacy addict all day. I work with a sense of urgency when Im sick.. But nonetheless, I Mike Tyson'd that ish.. and by saturday I was cool. But man, those 4 days were hell... I hate gettin sick.

*sidenote* my ears are still popping, and have been since Wednesday.. damn.

I used to have a crop of hair...I jus noticed.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

FOO!..... he in the house.

Song of the day-"shopaversary" by Trey Songz- "no baby I aint forget/you like that ice/ so you can keep it on/ while we do it..."

So I got a prank pulled on me today. Im doin ma usual lunch time activity (sleepin in my truck, I have an hour lunch and that hour nap sometimes feels like eternity). I take a nap everyday for 2 reasons. One, cause I'm still not a morning person, probably never will be. So I'm really mum until about 10, but fade out of energy by 12. So I have to recharge the batteries. And 2, cause I work with nothing but women, who gossip all day, about Coach purses and how they cheat on their boyfriends of many many years (let-it-out, dont be that woman! LOL). I pretty much dont have much to say to them when it all comes down to it so I aint about to sit at lunch and look down their throats.. Anyways, Im comin down from the nap euphoria, in that stage where your eyes are still closed but you really awake, when i hear a knock on my window. I turn around, and a white lady is motioning to me.. "You cant sleep in your vehicles on lunch sir".. My building is connected with the sherrifs dept. so shes like "Ima supervisor at the sherrifs dept and its against the rules to sleep in the parking lot on lunch. You can sleep in the break room though.." im still groggy so im like "gurgle, mumble, blah, huh?." Then she busts out laughing LOL. Turns out she used to work here and wanted to meet me.. dang. I got caught. Ah well.

I pulled a prank last year where I had my email admin take me off of the distro list for the day, I told some of my folks I had gotten fired for spitting in the big bosses face, made it sound all convincing, got real mad and mushfaced about it.. screamin and such talkin bout, "Man efff them suckas! He gon get in ma face and ish, I told him to get out ma face, and since he didnt I spit on his dumb ass!".. So I told em to email me since they thought I was lyin, and since my name was no longer on the distro, it looked like I had been removed from the system LOL..good prank to say the least.

I found a cd last night of Alicia Keys "you dont know my name" burned 15 times on it.. LOL. Obviously I love that song. It got me thinkin on some things, and how that song hit me, then the video came along and solidified my "love" for her. Then I read EB's blog about wondering what her future hubby was doing at that exact moment. Its an interesting concept to think about that, cause ultimately theres someone there for each one of us and is building themself up to be with you whether either of you know it or not. The ultimate plan. I think on that sometimes like all the things im doing, or have been scripted by GOD to do, all lead up to the ultimate plan he has for me. I cant even really think of the fact of being married, having my own child and doing the family man face as of right now. Not saying I dont want it, but my life leading up to now has never been about that, and I dont intend for it to be for a while of course. Yet im almost 25, so time pushes faster and faster. Maybe ill get into that later, but I think its an interesting thought to think about what your soulmate/lover/"ONE" is doing at this exact moment. And if they may be thinkin the same about you, without knowing its you.. that sleepless in seattle type junk. (sets that subject on the backburner for future reference)