Monday, September 24, 2007

eyes and ears

eyes and ears, eyes and ears. everyone has them but some use them for different reasons.. your eyes and ears tell you what you wanna hear, then your reaction to what u wanna see and hear, comes out in your interpretation of what the situation entails..regardless of considering any option of acceptance, instead, you just make an assumption that you saw what you think you saw, and thus you have a verdict.

I'm tired of the eyes and ears of society, I'm annoyed by the factors that are involved in the people you see on a daily basis. I'm close to through with being involved in the eyes and ears game. Its one that has no substance, gives no positive feedback, and only proves things wrong or errant. its a consistent circle of whatever, and wont really ever go away, just be paused until the next major ordeal comes into play. It makes me wanna become a recluse, cutting myself off from many a people and only allowing the extremely needy into my informative circle.

Those who know me, know that i am and have always been an outgoing person. extrovert. easy going, smiling all the time, giving good advice, listening, taking mental notes, observing all of my surroundings, and always extending myself to make sure that its all good. That's me. That's Eric.

But lately, that feeling has become less and less apparent. More now, that i just want to do me. separate myself from the childish aspect of the game, involve myself in the lifestyle that I'm leading up to. Cause all the slander and erroneous talk going on right now, is becoming redundant, and amazingly annoying. i recently wrote that I'm on a more positive note right now, and that I'm trying to give my desires room to grow. That is definitely taking a role in this learning process I'm being involved in right now, and the days of me putting myself out there to involve the masses is just about coming to an end. I was once told that with the aspects of my life I am involving myself in I'm losing pace, and that I should never restrict myself from my destined success for the latter of someones need to have me stay down with them. As true as it was at the time I heard it, my actions have ultimately got to speak louder then the words in my head.. So, I'm through.

And the process is beginning.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Quick update

its been a good 9 days since I posted something on the blog. Just been goin thru the motions of daily life. Work is work, life is life.

I did listen to this cd my mom gave me about the "law of attraction" and how to find your niche. It was a nice listen, i folded clothes and cleaned the hosue while doing it. And it helped me to start realizing how much i really send negative vibes from my thoughts. Not neccesarily to other people but just to situations. I can hear myself count how many times i say i dread going to work, and how bad those days are when I do. Removing words like "no", "not", and "cant" are things i have worked on most after listening to the audiobook, and also remaining focused on trying to allow my desires to come to play. Hopefully it helps, so far it has, and Im in the progress of making all situtations better. The word of the day is...PROGRESS.

I had some of the extended family over the otha day, and we had a good time like usual. Watched the usual flick, and had a good talk about whatever and whenever. Ended up playin the grown up game of truth or dare, but this was just truth.. and a lotta truths came out lol.. I always feel like even though people may be playing a game involving the utmost truth, some of it still has its curves or falsifications on the inside.. I mean I kept it real, no need for me to lie, and Im not saying that others lied, but that feeling still comes ya kno? Like if someone says, "do you like so and so??".. and you answer honestly, but with the utmost careful answer you can come up with, so that you dont put yourself in a further situation down the line.. LOL, maybe thats just me that feels that way. nonetheless, it was a nice night, everyone bought their share of goodies, and we just had a good evening. Everyone left at around 230, and I can say all of our souls were at peace after the fun evening.

Theres nothing really on my mind about anything else, probably just the Jena 6 situation. Once i actually took the time to read up on it, and educate my self on the issue, it burned me. Still we are at a level where something like this is happening. Made me feel like its still the 1960's, Ill probably write more on it when I have the time and the mindset, but for now, that type of situation is remaining a burning note in my mind. Especially at the amount of young black folks that are involved in the situation. Seems its getting to be more and more in the younger generation.

For now, back to work. Its been a good day.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


So I have this issue with nagging people. I dont feel like people should be as nagging as they come across, annoying me with questions you already know the answer to, knwoing how Im going to respond, and knowing that you will be nagging me with your questions. Dont ask me "what are you doing" when you clearly see me doing something worth while or not even relevant. If im not in the mood to talk, dont ask me whats wrong.

Im an extrovert, I talk all the time, im and outgoing young man, always have been. So if im not talking, and my expression is blank, its clear that something aint 100% right. Im one to be left alone when not feeling well or up to par. "Momma say" (my mother) used to get on me tough as a kid when i was sick because I would never tell her when I was sick, till my nose was falling off my face. LOL. Private eric. Ive always been that way. Not feeling well = not talking, just kinda floatin, and knowing that the next day will be better.

So this snooty ass, uptight, janky behind manager @ my job comes up to me today as im working, listening to joe blow rant and rave about who knows what. I happened to be reading the newspaper, ya know, keeping up on current events, the usual, still doing my job as im servicing the customer (see "multitasking" in the dictionary). Her ugly self, we call her cruela deville, she looks just like her, minus the hair. wench. So cruela decides to stand at my desk area and make her presence known. Then..

Her: "so, what are you doing?"
Me: (puts customer on mute) "listening to joe blow tell me about his shitty millionaire life"
Cruela: "while reading the paper??" (scrunches her ugly lips)
Me: (blank stare, raised eyebrow).."yes"...
Ugly face: "AH".. (waits for me to put the paper down)

So I turned my back on her, focused back on my customer, and finished my job, and didnt put the paper down. She stood in the area for about 2 minutes more and realized that she wasnt goin anywhere with her strife, so she walked away in her stepped on, run down nine west pumps lol.. floozy.

I respect authority just as much as the next man, but dont try and use your status to intimidate me outta doing something that has no relevance nor distraction to anyone at all except you. My job still got done, joe blow was happy with the outcome, and in the end the world was a better place. But since cruela has a bit of status in this building, she gotta be burger king ambassador and have everything her way? YOU DONT EVEN WORK IN MY AREA! YOU AINT EVEN MY DIRECT CONNECT TO MANAGEMENT! spare me with your stank walk, and your old school shoulderpads, with your cheetah print dresses. Plain and simple, you suck.

Dont ask me a question when you see what I am doing. It should be clear. Keep it real if it annoys you, I can take the heat, even from a big wig. shoot.

anyways, ona brighter note. I have finally decided that Im gonna learn to play the trumpet. Been wanting to explore new avenues and roads in my young age, and after watchin bleek gilliam for the 50th time, i decided to indulge. "who you callin sissy, giant?!?!"

P.S.S. current trend for SEP-DEC.. the usher "burn" beard lol.. Im growin it out!

..swagga up.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Laborless day.

So this past weekend was one full of relaxation and friendship. I had a good 3 days off, well needed and well deserved, as much as I work and have been. Yea, not as hard as other peoples jobs, but a job comes with its own stresses regardless of the profession. Its something about talkin to someone alll day long that just burns me up, thus the reason why I am looking elsewhere. So it was great to not have to indulge in that for 3 days.

1. BBQ's galore. I went to a couple bbq's over the weekend, and ended up being the man on the grill at all of them LOL. pop blessed me with the grill hand, and the patience to be on the grill and make that food right! i must admit, my food went to work. nothing like having everyone in the party compliment the grillmaster, including the mother lol. hats off. but anyways, it was a nice time, I didn't eat much though, being on that grill takes away from the hunger.

2. Liquor. So i actually got tired of drinking this weekend, i had a margarita that sat in my stomach for what seemed like an hour, and after that, this whole weekend liquor tasted bleh. so i kept to my juice and water.

3. Ignorance. so at my best friends bbq, there was a young lady there, of mixed descent. a nice looking young girl, nothing wrong with her at all. We all did the cordial introductions, as me and my friends do. Q's friend mentions to her "hey girl his white friend will be here soon, so u can holla".. immediately caught my attention cause of how loud she said it.. I think she did it on purpose cause there was 6 black men in the house, and thought it would be sarcasm at its best. Me being the person I am, i said "WHAT?!?!" lol. Then proceed to ask her about this so called issue of hers. she explains that where she was raised, the kind of music she listens to, and her experiences turn her away from we as black men. (she listens to rock, country, blabla..was raised in roseville). It made me laugh a little, and as we talk back and forth, the points I attempted to bring up caused her to feel bad. Not my intention at all, some of the others used it as a teasing tool, but I wanted to really get an insight and let her know, that all brothas ain't what she may have experienced. It tires me to hear females and males both put everyone into the same category, instead of using their situations as a case by case scenario. It of course came out that she just doesn't like "ghetto" guys, in her own words, "Ive dated white trash guys too".. which led me to say, well maybe you like a trashy type man?? LOL. came out so wrong, but had such good intentions. Of course she took offense LOL. In the end, she felt bad about her statement earlier, and even gave up the game to one of the boys LOL. intentions there??? who knows, but miss ignorant gave me a good laugh and a good reason to show her what some real young black men are about, with good heads on their shoulders, without trying to holla at her.

4. Quiet. For a point in time this weekend, I didn't say much of anything at all. Just sat and spaced out, with thoughts of nothing on my head. It happened once at the bbq, amongst everyone laughing and chuckling about whatever they were rambling about. I just looked off into somewhere else and said nothing, just observed. Almost felt out of place to be honest, amongst my friends. It was a weird feeling, but appealing at the same time. Which is why i chose to not go out on the town this past weekend. There were so many things to do, but i chose to remain sheltered and quiet, only to release to my friends at the bbq's. And it felt good. I got called old, LOL.. OLD AT 24!.. PSH.

5. POP. I also went to my parents house this weekend, to visit and do some routine vehicle maintenance. Pop and i worked on the truck a little bit, changing break lights, etc. The dang light was so hard to change, when before hand it was so easy, and pop got all frustrated LOL. Not funny, but for a man who pretty much knows how to do everything, something so small can make him mad. What a great pop he is, he told me to go on and take his truck while he finished my truck. I felt bad about it after I left, so I have decided to make it up to him. This man though is the man that doesn't really care for the major gift, material doesn't impress him. Substance does.. cut his grass with the utmost precision at 6am, and he appreciates it. Get him a bottle of that fine 1738, and he appreciates it.Take him to the race, or have a few drinks with him while watchin the cowboys win, and he appreciates it. Just take some of the burden off him that hes had to deal with for so long, and let him breathe for a minute, and he will appreciate it. So that's what ill do. Maybe ill just pop up at the rents house this week and make em some dinner.

.. overall the weekend was nice though, but now of course back to the grind. main focus, being school and getting a new gig!

swagga up!