so the need to be out and about has started to run its course with me
I'm noticing..the actual desire to be seen is getting old and this time,
its taking a wild form..that form that pushes it to the backburner and
relinquishes it from ya everyday schedule..no longer do I really feel
the need to do it bigger and better..in sac, doin it bigger and better
can only go so big...only so many bottles can be popped, only so many
vip rooms can be filled, and only so many spots out here have enough
diversity that u feel like your improving in your approach..I'm
tired.mentally, of how the course is takin me...I'm beginning to relish
in the night of nothing, long days of work and weekends of tasks to be
fulfileld and relaxation to be had..yes, I still on occasion long for
the rush of excitment that happens when ya step in the spot and everyone
says hi, the hugs and handshakes, cheek kisses and eye contact..yea its
fun..its great, makes me feel the love.

but its getting old..

and its going nowhere fast..I realized last week that I'm tired and
shouldn't be, I'm 24..and vibrant..I eat vitamins and work out
occasionally..my winds should come often and numerous..lol..tired
mentally definitley..its gettin old..now I'm not sayin ima stop doin it
big from time to time, but the horizon has definitley got to be
broadened...the avenues have got to be open..the lanes need to be
wider..my vision was blury for some time, but now I can see a lil
clearer..(drops some cleareyes* into ma eyes)...gotta get MY focus back
and start to worry bout my growth..caught in the rapture of fun fun fun
with no reprieve doesn't help much..now these options I choose will def
be more beneficial for I.

its hard to get othas on the bandwagon if they don't fully feel ya
vision nor have the same motivation u do..

hmph..time will tell.
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