. headache.

I have a headache. and i tend to always get a headache when im at this job. the people arent the problem. I love my coworkers, my team, they make it happen and fun on team 11. we do it live and eat well. but the repetiton of this job is what has taken my focus and turned it into shambles. yea i kno everyone has a job that is repetitive, but workin at this job has just about had it.. im thru with call centers, this will be the last one that I will be working at and thats a definite fasho. When I come to a realization that its time to leave a job, then its time. because my focus will no longer be on the job taht im doing, but the job taht i want to do. an yea, i have made steps with each job, into a higher pay grade, making me happy that i can improve with each step. well its time again, and this time itll be a change of pace. ive already started the process of moving on, and im preparing myself for challenges ahead. this next transistion will be for the money, the happiness, and the knowledge that im movin up in the world.

until then, i still have that headache.

yea.. me too.

Todays a funny day already. I had one of those wakeups, where im sposed to be at work by 1230, and woke up at 1220.. snapped up like the undertaker (see wwe, wwf lol) and said "oh shit"... veered to the left at ma clock, 12:20.. ahhhh! got up and smashed to the bathroom, washed up, etc.. took the quickest shower ever, still managed to wash everything thouroughly though (gotta stay cleaaaaan).. so as i began to throw ma clothes on, i figured that the black tee on the couch would be a good option to rock today.. maybe im the only one that doesnt have all his lights on in the house, or opens the blinds.. but as i got to work today..i noticed that i have on the ASHIEST black tee in the world. looks almost grey! im sittin ova here at my desk tryna use pieces of tape to eleviate this situation at hand. then i just noticed that i got chalk ash on the worst part of the hand.. that part between the pointer and the thumb.. so i go to use ma lotion, and dont have a drop!.. ah man. so im sittin here wit ashy hands, ashy shirt.. at least my shorts are clean.. and i need a haircut. bla bla bla bla bla bla bla...GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

. Just a thought

Am I the only one who lately has an issue with the lack of inspiration and drive that we as young men are having?.. scratch that.. we as young people, the ladies aint exempt from this.. now I aint sayin everyone, cause I know a lotta folks that are grinding and getting theirs, but I look around and notice a lotta bullshitting goin on, and less vision.. now I know we are young, I know we have fun to have, and long endless nights of crazy and non thinking nonsense, but i still feel as if the main goal should still be to stay focused.. we losin pace real fast. losin respect of elders and those high up who see us as lackluster and un-useable..

I was raised by two parents, and my parents have always been the focal point of my life, and have shown me the right way to succeed. whether or not I have taken that route at every chance given attests to my lack of focus at times, or my desire to be young at heart and just live a little.. but Ive never lost the attributes that were instilled to me by them, knowing that me as a young black male has to work harder and stay on my toes at all times in order to succeed.. my dads a perfect example. hes grinded and torn his way to comfortable living.. been thru turmoil with bases closing, to changing occupations and finding a median in his work and family life. successful.

I wake up and think of how my life will be within the next 5 or 6 years, to which ill be at 30. but I wonder if and how often those surrounding me do.. or those in my initial circle of life, people I come across on a daily basis, see here and there. the majority of the people being the same age as I, so we all do the same things.. but sometimes I feel as if Im one of the only ones that keeps hold of the vision. I want to succeed, I pretty much have to in my eyes. Ive been dealt with a sidekick and best friend since I was 8 that holds the same visions as I, reflective of his parents and his maturity as a man now.. that helps me keep mine.. Ive always been the type of person to try and inspire all around me to be on the same tip, and at times I feel as if maybe I shouldnt. you can only speak to a deaf dog long enough before you realize it wont work.. at the same rate, my outlook is if im eating, everyone round me should be as well... thats love. unconditional. but at the same rate, after diggin offa my plate long enough, that should spark something in the soul to be about it yaself.

Overall, I just have a hard time with the fact that as we get into our older adolescence, as ill call it, maturity and focus should be instilled in your everyday life.. I couldnt function knowing i dont have a job to do everyday.. getting up and enchancing yourself that much more each day, learning something you may not have known th day before, thats enough to have a positive outlook on your future.. I live for now, but I also live for life. life is definitley what you make it, and from the way I see it, as a young man growing into a GROWN MAN, in every context possible (not jus lil waynes song.. not just the way everyone says, the way a young girl will say cause she bought a pair of heels, or a dude will say cause his rims are bigger than 20 inches), I feel as if the desire has got to grow and be a neccesity. not just for me, but for all people my age.

We arent gettin any younger, and the worlds movin faster and faster, I dont wanna be left behind wishin I woulda got an earlier start. None of us should.

FLOETRY...sorta.

so I went to the floetry concert last night at harlows..it was a comfy atmosphere, all the old playuhs came out, the Grown grown women came out, and the eccentric black folks attended as well..it was a nice lil evening, my cousin ceaser was performing in the band for the opening act, he came thru for his cuzzo by gettin me in..spragga benz was in the building!! SHOTTAS!...BUH BUH!.. it was a nice set that they did, only one half of floetry was actually in attendance, marsha..and a new girl, amanda diva, floecists stand in I guess..on the floetry remix tour..they did some new tracks where diva was the main focus, as well as all the floetry classics that jus put me in that oooh oooh oooh mood..marsha could sing the abc's to me and I'd still be in love..I got to thnkn that maybe floetry is breakin up..who knows..but ikno that what I needed I got, her voice (marsha) is so damn angellic, it puts you ina trance, as I was...unable to really speak, only motion my mouth to the same words she spoke, all the while not bein able to take my eyes off of her performance..I didn't really pay attention to the otha girl, which by the way dana, looks NOTHING like alicia keys...iono wut u saw lol..but marsha fed me tha business..somethn tough..

so thanks fa las night marsha ambrosious, cause I slept like a newborn
afta u massaged ma soul for an hr..*faints*

Family reunion pt. 2

saturday- I walked outside at like 10am and it was already 100
outside..the heat smacks you in the face, then u get wet all ova
lol...crazy. this was the main day for the reunion, all the festivities
took place..the bbq, the activities, etc. I went to the mall first wit
ma cousin sterling, its pretty much like arden mall..nothin major to
talk about there...texas has its own form of bops, own form of scrapers
(slabs)..the bops look pretty much like the ones in northern cali, and
act the same too..made me laugh lookin @ em...so anyways, we hit up the
park, in a city called Cheek! haha..cheek, texas..thas hard
lol..everybody had the different color shirts but all the same family
reunion shirt, that way to distinct our families..I snuck up in
cocheese's motor home (the shit was bonkers, big as ma house
almost)...and had a hook wit pop..more drinkin, more food..and the damn
heat made for a good ole combo..we went in the main hall where the
fashion show started, me and ma sis were in it..lol, they loved us..then
came the food and the presentation for the heads of the family, all of
the children of the founders of the family..my cousin chakoula (or
chaka, his real names charles) gave the disertation..he's prolly one of
the most intelligent men you will ever meet, he looks like cornell west,
but grabs ya attention wheneva he speaks cause he commands respect and
attention..I wouldn't ever mind bein ina class wit him as ma professor
cause he's extremely knowledgable..so that was an emotional yet
satisfying part of it cause everyone was introduced, talked about,
including my grandma..so I was happy we were there for that, coming from
the farthest away..the night ended of wit everybody doin the cupid
shuffle and me and the dudes gettin mo tipsy...and anotha plate of
food..the best fod eva I swear...zummo sausages are the shit!!..if u
aint had one..dammit u aint livin...we went back to the hotel and slept
afta a long day out..I had a lotta fun tho..and it was mentally
satisfying..I think for all of us..afta that..all mayhem, lets jus say,
houston, t.i., young dro, etc..too much to type..thas for anotha blog.

sunday- by sunday momma was ready to go home, I was ready to keep
traveling, and it was comin to a close..we pretty much did nothin on
sunday but got to paw-paws house and eat..talk mess, watch the races,
and laugh..had more beer, more liquor, and more food..everybody went to
the boat to go gambling but I stayed behind and caught up wit some
friends I had out there that I had ran into at the club on friday..went
to a place called tokyo, a sushi place like benihanas where they cook
all ya stuff in front of ya, then we jus talked..afta everybody got back
from the boat, we all met up and went back to the hotel and relaxed..the
weekend was comin to a close but it ws overall great...I felt like I
gained hella weight..looked in the mirror and still noticed, I'm lean
lol..I love ma metabolism, cause I prolly ate 7 times on friday, 8 on
saturday and 5 on sunday...food was my girl this weekend ...lol

Family Reunion pt. 1

As I approached my weekend full of my extended family on my fathers
side, I told myself that I would be going into a weekend full of
exciting and new things..this being the first family reunion that has
been had on his side for quite some time..and it being the first time
the family has reaquainted since the death of my grandmother..it was a
truly enjoyable time, full of smiles and brow wipes..tha heat in texas
isn't what u really ned to deal with, its the humidity..its just like
cali, but jus add a blanket of wetness, wit no rain..I didn't really
have a problem adapting to it, since I don't mind heat anyways...

friday- we came in early friday morning, got to our hotel, slept and
slept some more..we woke up and went to visit my granfathers
house..paw-paw is how everybody pronounced his name, so I joined the
crowd lol..we basically didn't really do much at his comfy lil house
offa s. fifth st but relax and talk..his laugh is on that reflects
innocence and happiness, though his eyes tell a different story..he's
been thru a lot since he lost his wife..we went to the gathering to get
re-aquainted wit all the fam bam, we came in lookin oh so cali lol,
stunnas and desinger jeans..stuck out like a sore thumb, but shit, ima
cali boy bred and fed..I kno no otha..it was overall fun, got to see all
the fam..me,pop,A.B. and cocheese snuck in a lil gin so we were lit offa
that..I drank so much this weekend, along wit eatin, iont kno what to
do. lol..we went to this club called "the ticket" wit ma aunt jada and
her husband cliff..it was a swing club, kinda small, but still had a coo
look to it..since I kno how to swing I wasn't trippin, but u kno we had
to let em kno how we two step on da west..so that was enjoyable..lol,
the bartenders there are some stingy asses tho..I was up at the bar,
flashin a hunid, and the heffa aint even act like she saw me..till clif
came ova and told me how u gotta do in texas "aye big booty!..cmon ova
hea baby guhl, I need ma drank now!"...hahaha..I sho did get a strong as
double jack and coke tho..we went back to the hotel afta that, it was a
good night, I met some new folks, and got to party wit ma family..had
some friend rice and passed the f out.

tbc..