pursuit of happyness. .

Soooo. I got the phone call from laura yesterday
morning letting me know that I am now an official
employee of the dept of health and human services.
effective friday feb. 1st, ill be an official sr. office
assistant... hold the applause lol.
The funniest part about it was that the night
before I had a slight epiphany of understanding, and
I finally started to understand that maybe not all
things will go the exact way I want them to. I've
written before that I have a positive outlook on
almost everything, and that kinda jades my view
of things that just aren't meant for me. So after
I had a talk with my mom about maybe taking an
approach to things different, I had a semi mind
lapse and a lost sense of reality. And then, just like
that, I felt better and understood not everything
is in my hands.
I got a text from my pop later that night letting
me know that everything would be fine, and I was
favored.. the next morning, I get the gig lol. Tell
me that aint faith at work at its best. So I start
tomorrow, and I'm happy about it.

blessed and paying attention to positive attraction
in 08' behbeh

.not yet

Haven't gotten the call from the county yet, but I
have faith that its gonna come within the next day
or 2. Still keep me in your prayers!

I stubbed my toe hella tough today, dropped the
treadmill I was moving into the guest room right on
the big toe.. junk is on fiyah!!! Dang!

That's it, that's all. Finally stopped raining!!!

. .sent via tmobile sidekick 3. .

So I'm in the process of going thru negotiations wit
myself on writing a book. I decided on the topic of
course, to be about relationships in this day in age.
Seeing as its a totally different style, a totally
new mindset, and a totally new way of messing up
the game of love, it made it easy to dissect. I've
decided the book will be called "all facades aside",
and it will examine the ups and downs, confusion
and simplicity that the game brings nowadays, as
we all have seen or experienced.
I just feel too strongly on how easy people can
allow themselves to be thrown to the wolves in
the relationship game not to, and too many people
have too many questions on it. I am definitley not
saying these will be the answers, as I'm no doctor,
but ill be damned if I haven't experienced and seen
enough to form an educated opinion. Its an exciting
thing to spark up a convo about, the problems we
as people have within our relationships these days,
so why not throw my two pennies on the table!!

lets get it!

. .sent via tmobile sidekick 3. .

Gimme 3!

Ok so the question of the day:

What 3 movie characters from any movie would you be if you could?

1. Mike Lowry (Bad Boys)- Came from money, had the clothes, the clean cut, the ladies, the luxury cars. Man Mike had it all!. And he was a cop to match. Will Smith had a clean swag playing Mike Lowry from bad boys.. anybody memba the running scene in the first one? you woulda thought this brotha could run a 4.1 the way he caught up wit a moving car to save his boy. LOL. And then the scene where he was driving in bad boys 2 chasin the Haitians?? money had bars on the steering wheel. Mike Lowry coulda been a superhero. period dot.

2. Bleek Gilliam (Mo' betta blues)- Bleek had that ultimate type swag, fully equipped with the knowledge of an instrument. Could play the panties off of a woman, at the same time be the sensitive brotha. Yea bleek had women problems, and yea he had a shotty manager who had a gambling problem, but thru it all he still was a strong cat. I love how he articulates, even when hes clowning someone. " Why you bringing confusion into my home Clarke?" HAHA..Of course attribute Denzel playing the part to Bleeks existence but still, Bleek Gilliam was a beast. I could relate to him ina sense cause his first love was his music, and then after that everything else came. Gwon Bleek!

2. Darius Lovehall (Love Jones)- The Renaissance brotha from the windy city could do it all. Had knowledge of music, could spit poetry, knew his artists, and even rode a motorcycle! not a bike, chopper, but some old honda lookin thang, that created the illusion the brotha was a classic soul. Yea, he and Nina had their issues, but ultimately the realization that she made him better was too much to handle. Lovehall had that swag also, real smooth brotha who didnt have to say much to get his point across.

So those are my 3. Who would YOU be?

crushes, jobs, and the routine

I used to have a big crush on Gina from martin, lol
I just felt the need to expose my old school crush.
yea she had a big head, but she was so great to her
man lol. She was a ride or die chick before that was
even thought about. Here's to Gina Waters/Payne,
she was my first major crush, and yea. LOL

I got an interview for a manager in training position next week, should
be interesting! I needa ask questions when I'm there so I'm in the
process of
thinking about those questions. The interview is for
Farmers insurance, so cross ya fingas and toes fa
me! and any pointers, I'm always open ears.

off to the poetry spot I go tonight, and then of
course, to the club to do the usual work.

. . . sent via Tmobile Sidekick 3. . .

..Ive been tagged

So I've been tagged by my cousin pretty black. I gotta tell 7 things about me that most wont know. HA. Well here goes.

1. When I was 6 years old I broke my wrist running away from a whoopin. I had done something dumb, like usual when I was a youngin, big head and fast as the wind, or at least I thought. So pops, comes home, and mommas in the den talkin to him about it. At first I think hes playin about whippin ma ass, but as he swooshes the belt outta each and every loop within a second, I realized it was a wrap. So I began to run and wildly pursue my freedom from the wrath of "maid merrian" (my dad had an old army rope that was short and put welts on ass cheeks somethin tough, appropriately named "maid merrian"...I never looked at robin hood the same), but as I cut the corner to freedom, amazingly the big ole wooden oak table was in the way. **CRACK** goes the wrist, down goes frazier (Eric..) and out come the tears.. I think i told all my kindergarten friends I got ina fight and broke it, but alas, it was only from an attempted whoopin.

2. I listen to pretty much anything, and know the words to most songs. even rock. Ive been known to bump Led Zeppelin something tough in my quiet times, and oddly, it calms me down. The jazzy, r&b influence that Jimmy page and John bonham gave off in their beats give me the inclination that they really knew about music. And Robert plant separates any disbelief that he didnt have a swag way back then. Call it what ya want, acid music, weird ish, but I call it pure music. So if you see my drivin down the street and maybe hear a clean rift comin out the windows, don't be surprised.

3. I twitch in my sleep, so Ive been told.. but not like small twitches, real snappy ones. No clue why. I was told that most people do, but mine are like hard snaps. Never has affected me, but I have been told that its kinda scary when I just jerk outta nowhere.

4. I have a fear of failure, which is one reason I have a slight fear of flying(not in a plane, but taking risks). Its even played into other facets, for example women. Most people don't assume I would ever be shy, but I used to have a real problem approaching females, and would just charge it to the game and keep it pushing instead of going for the gold. Funny, it still lingers today, even though my confidence has boosted 10 fold. I still to this day don't really do the initial spark of conversation with women, it comes in a different package of course cause I'm just an extrovert, so I can talk to anyone really. But there is still a timid nature in the approach. So for those of you who read this and think, "he think he got game..." In all reality, I'm not as open as you think I am. And its not a facade.

5. I have an OCD when it comes to shirts and inner sleeve seams.. its the weirdest thing I think I have ever done. but if you take a tshirt, and feel the inside of the sleeve on the little doubled up thread, MAN. I can be caught toying with those things on almost any of my tshirts. People probably don't notice it at all, but if your ever around me and see me just picking at my shirt, and REALLY focused on it, you know that's my OCD.

6. I can sing. rarely in front of people, never when I'm asked to do it, but I can actually sing okay. Not American idol, not able to get a contract, but just good enough to be like, hmm. The baritones good for something besides puttin people to sleep when I talk to them on the phone I guess.. Oh that's another thing, I tend to mumble sometimes. I have too much bass and not enough treble in my voice. It gets annoying when people say "huh?" to me, so I really have to articulate my words when trying to be heard. Speech impediment? NO. Just a deep voice LOL.

7. Ive never been remotely close to being in love with a lady. thru 2,3 girlfriends, I haven't grown those feelings. Maybe attributed to my security block on my heart, fear of being hurt, or overall young mind, its never come into my emotions to actually feel like I was in love with my significant other. Definitely something that I hope to change of course, as looking back on previous endeavors I can only say that they were setups for ultimately a good relationship. Thru every year I mature a little more, and I'm sure the first step to understanding what I want from the love I end up giving will be the equivalent of what I see on a daily basis poured from my father to my mother, and also realizing that its okay to put my guard down.


.. WELL there it is. A little bit about me ya might not know.

..I'm taggin all yall, no one is spared

. Americas... Team....?

Yea yea I know I know the cowboys lost. whatever. spare me with all the shit talking, all the "so whassup now!".. I dont wanna hear it. I invested some good life hours into this season, all for none.. DANG!

On a brighter note, my friends are better after the drunk driving incident. Im happy from that.

Now I go back to my little corner to sulk some more and find out a way to tryout for the dallas cowboys to ensure this doesnt happen next year.


.. its ok T.O. .. dont cry.

. . . .

I hate drunk drivers. FUCK! I shouldn't have to hear
that someone close to me has been a victim of a
drunk driver. Got Damn man, if ever there were
times when I really wouldn't have a problem
touchin someone, this would be the case. . I'm not
happy about it at all.. Thank u jesus they were ok.

I aint got shit else to say today...

. . sent via tmobile sidekick 3. .

The "Factor"

So I watched "the great debaters" last night and
I was definitley impressed with the movie. It had
a few loose ends but overall I was all eyes with it.
Little Jurnee Smollet has turned into quite the
woman, and she has a strong strong voice. I
enjoyed lookin at the mature version of lil eve
from eves bayou, and she had that attention
grabbing voice in the movie. Denzel in all his luster
gave one of those performances where you can tell
her took a backseat to expose the power of the
young actors who surrounded him and give them
the shine, of to which I applaud him. I must admit that if denzel knew
how much of his "swag" I've
stolen from him over the years, lol, he would
prolly have me arrested for copyright infringement
LOL. jk. But for real, its all in the appeal for some,
and when you have the aura to snatch everyones
attention in the room without saying anything,
that's called the "Denzel factor". :D sorry Mr. W,
I've stolen the factor. ha! Especially if I step in
somewhere fitted to the tee. Watch out!! *fixes
my tie*..

song of the day."on my own"- lil wayne, the carter
fast paced, unorthodox, basically 4 minutes of raw
flows. favorite verse?. . . "outta all the hot boys
she say I'm tha coolest!" . . well, its only right. You
can see the confidence ooze outta this blog.

cheerio.

. . sent via tmobile sidekick 3. .

music take me away. . .

I was thinking of all the songs that I really love
and have so many great memories of. All of those
songs that I used to gig to when I was going thru
the 18-21 stage of life, the songs that I have
connected with certain people, etc. Its a mind
blaster to see how much music is a part of my everyday living. And I say
that as I sit in the car wit no music LOL ( I have to get the cd player
fixed).

Song of choice right now- bobby valentino's "tell
me". This song went to work!! along with the album
in itself reminds me of the summer of 06. That
bass beat banged extra tuff, and gave you the 2
step feel that gave the grown up touch to those
of us who were ready to step our games up. Here's
to "tell me".. and not the version wit lil wayne
eitha! the original. Everybody turn it up loud, 2 step
wherever you are, and feel good about it.

I'm gonna get back to doing my dissections of my
favorite artists, cds, etc and puttin em up. its
been a while since I did that. but its a beautiful
dissection.

:D

..S.W.A.G

Is it cars.. is it girls.. is it money?...the world?

*currently bumping "the fighters"-Lupe fiasco*


Neva me against the world is how I look to the skies. As I crawl into 08 on my last leg of 07, which was a trying year to say the least, I recall so many emotions that were exposed in the 365 perilously frightening and eye opening days that I was supposed to believe would be a great year for me.

I have shifted my overall focus from 2007 which was to have fun and enjoy the last half of my jordan year, to the seriousness that my life has become in 2008. Its truly amazing how much sight you can lose in a span of 365 measly days. How you can feel like your floating one day, and then 6 feet under the next. Those who read this and may not know me, should know that my turnaround rate of anger is extrmeley quick. I can be angry about something one day, and as I think more about it, it will become more irrelevant and the next day, will be a pure after thought. Whether it be someone hating, me not getting a job I wanted, getting scolded, messing up a relationship with someone.. I have an extreme quickness in my jump back ability.

A downfall? possibly. The fact that I know Im like that makes me believe its a blessing. A blessing to not dwell on the small things, and focus on the biggest picture of all.. That I need to focus on bettering myself without the distractions. The blurs of the hearsay, the bulbous amounts of information placed into ones head that really doesnt need to be there. I just disregard it. However, if it is high in importance, I will evaluate.

2008, yea I know we always talk about, "well if you werent doin anything to change yourself before the new year comes you really aint gon be shit when you hit the new year".. But wy cant one have hope they will change. A change doesnt come at the strike of midnight, jan 1 of the next year.. But the hope of a new start, the ability to press the reset button gives me a sense of comfort. I told myself that this year, I am getting rid of the inconsistencies in life.. and ya know what.. how funny that on january 2nd, I decided and was at peace with a decision I made to release a bacteria in my life. A cancerous friend. and I feel good about it. They aint here for the equality that a friendship entails, only selfish gain. So poof..

On to the grind. On to the possiblity that I may have someone in my life this year that could change my aspects of thinking in more ways then one. On to the posting everyday on my blog if i have to, just to say hello or peace and blessings to you who might read it.On to stopping the biting of my nails.. not extending myself to others who really dont need it. Making my decision final in something I do or dont wanna do, and not being wishy washy in my thoughts.. On to running full speed ahead at this game called life, cause right now I feel as if im just jogging.. I look back at 07, and I didnt smile as much as i did in 06 , or years b4... I frown a lot more, (thanks T for rubbin those wrinkles outta ma head when i do LOL, lookin out for me when i get older ). So on to smiling, and being ACTUALLY happy, and reaping the benefits of my hard work. On to my spirituality stepping its game up, and remembering where I come from, how much support system I have, and who is really important.

I question myself everyday as I look in the mirror.. in this world, as you go through everyday.. am I relevant?.... if not, whose job is it to make me relevant.. and ultimatley, I look at that mirror and see the face smiling back at me and tellin all the world... "here i come...."


Yall aint ready... or are you.