la. dee. dah

Almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08. almost 08.Funny sidenotes for the evening:Last night, I had to flash on a lady cause she was disrespectful. and that's not a good look. As I walked my friends to their car (they had on some smaller dresses, so naturally u kno how dudes are..."hey ma! hey chocolate!" ..etc.) miss booboo comes up and stands directly in between me and said party and proclaims " my girl wants ya numba and she too shy to come ask, ion care bout this hoe in front of you cause she would disrespect me bla bla bla"... SO OFF TOP DISRESPECTFUL!I was appauled. . never happened to me before. crazy!the boldness!the gall!I didn't even know what to say. I brushed her off, later on saw her at lyons, and exposed her on her foul ways. She says " I was just trying to help my friend out, she woulda done it for me blip bap bang..." erroneous. man, whassup wit the disrespectfulness nowadays.. Jeesh. my forgetful nature allowed me to let it go, plus, its not that important. Almost have a new job, the search is comin closer and closer to a means. Keep prayin fa me!
I got gas cards for christmas. 4 of em. 25 a piece. 100.00 in gas cards. I was in heaven lol. gas is 7 million a gallon now, I'd much rather run to work.

. tadow. good evening.

empty wallets. . .

the worst look is an empty wallet, but we all go thru it. . . we go thru the days of "i want that but i cant have it:".. it happens. and of course to me it has happened toward Christmas time. tho I am not too worried about it of top, i have too many other priorities to be worried about (school, work, new gig, etc). . ive been speaking to old friends lately, and wondering if that is something that is remotely acceptable or good to be around. its whatever i guess.. i havent written in the blog in forever.

Thanksgiving was just that, a time to be thankful to be around family. I swear i gained like 10 pounds, but prolly lost it all walkin in the mall the following saturday lol. isnt it the worst feeling to walk in the mall knowing your not gon by a single thing?. i kno im not the only one involved in that life quarrel. the family got together, took all kinda of pics, ate all kinda food, smiled, frowned. i swear i took out 15 bags of trash for my parents, and my name was called at least 852 times. My name seems to be the default around holiday time. once again, i didnt mind... the holidays bring the acceptance out of you and you dont get as frustrated as you would ona hot summer day visiting your parents house..

random thought: i wish my oldest sister would help clean.. nothing more frustrating then to have someone drop their dirty dish in the sink, look at you like you sposed to clean it, then walk away... i guess the saying is true, cant teach an old dog new tricks.. not calling her an old dog (29), but the tricks can not be taught. lord help the soul who inherits her laziness.. LOL.

weather is gloomy, its cupcake and inside by the fireplace season. definitley.. though i dont neccesarily follow suit in that instance. i dont know. whatever. maybe i do, maybe i dont..

I need seclusion from the world around me.. maybe just my city, so i think that calls for a vacation. outside of cali. how acceptable would that be around xmas time, and new years time. regardless how it will be accepted, im still gonna do it if its the last thing i do.

brief update, and thats it. more later, i promise to write everyday in my journal this upcoming month. . along with so many other changes. 07 hasnt been the strongest year at all... FIVE (yes 5) funerals, changes in occupation, a lost interest, and numerous other counts of issues has got me wanting to just get outta this month and look forward to a better 08. *crosses fingers*

Claire Huxtable.. (rough draft...)

" its a beautiful thing to see the essence of a queen, complexion similar to me, so serene. makes my soul scream.."

many inquire as to why and when i will alow myself to transition into one with the better half potential in life.. a question i cant answer, only dissect into this analogy.
as my clair huxtable..

its simple to think that it will fall into place.. that one day she will step to me in her ever present appeal, sweep me off, and allow me to finally be rid of this block of surrealism i have allowed myself to put up.. the block of nothing-ness that draws me away from the norm, and into my non believing world.
with her spiteful stare, her endearing care, she wants to be closer to me. not in an instant of physicality, but that of spiritual endeavors.. neccesity to me, as it draws me nearer to her. a woman who strives for completion, who needs to grind to be at ease with mind.. her evenflow of existence is what allows her to smile at the small things,
rubbing bare skin, whispering the potentials within, allowing me to grow and achieve manhood within all the while becoming the woman in every aspect possible.
argumenative in her rage, with points to be made, ultimatley fiding a median and conclusion to maintain happiness at the end of the day..
her desire unmatched, with the full on drive to succeed and keep my desire attached. challenging each and every day to keep the intangibles key. expand the possibilities and strive to be successful in all avenues.
she can grow on me like a weed, forcing my thoughts to her at any time indeed..its so much more then just the thoguht process, and the infatuation stage, to keep it going and going.. it falls faster and reaches longer than a dream of she..her smirk can light up the skies.. shes the one to force you to need to be around, attracts attraction and has flair..

maintains and preserves her sexy, manicured nails, pedi toes, done hair..hygiene and swag, mean and vicious.. makes me wanna holla everyday.. not just at the initial hello.. eye contact without say so, sway back, wont allow my attention to detach. so much more than the physicial attributes tho, cause most dont know that the mental creates the physicial.. when she wakes up, her first thoughts are those of praise to the one above for her existence again. independent, only dependent on her faith.. wears her heart on her shoulder, can keep composure.. the goals embedded into her mind are the statements quoted in her everyday life, found only thru her results and those thoughts none can find.. strong like an ox.. speaking to me subliminally from across the city, my thoughts grow and mold unto hers..

I expect myself to strive for perfection, knowing that will never come, but still with visions in that direction. Expectations of my counterpart to strive to the upper level as well, so that we as one can eventually succeed and watch our successes maintain as well..

eyes and ears

eyes and ears, eyes and ears. everyone has them but some use them for different reasons.. your eyes and ears tell you what you wanna hear, then your reaction to what u wanna see and hear, comes out in your interpretation of what the situation entails..regardless of considering any option of acceptance, instead, you just make an assumption that you saw what you think you saw, and thus you have a verdict.

I'm tired of the eyes and ears of society, I'm annoyed by the factors that are involved in the people you see on a daily basis. I'm close to through with being involved in the eyes and ears game. Its one that has no substance, gives no positive feedback, and only proves things wrong or errant. its a consistent circle of whatever, and wont really ever go away, just be paused until the next major ordeal comes into play. It makes me wanna become a recluse, cutting myself off from many a people and only allowing the extremely needy into my informative circle.

Those who know me, know that i am and have always been an outgoing person. extrovert. easy going, smiling all the time, giving good advice, listening, taking mental notes, observing all of my surroundings, and always extending myself to make sure that its all good. That's me. That's Eric.

But lately, that feeling has become less and less apparent. More now, that i just want to do me. separate myself from the childish aspect of the game, involve myself in the lifestyle that I'm leading up to. Cause all the slander and erroneous talk going on right now, is becoming redundant, and amazingly annoying. i recently wrote that I'm on a more positive note right now, and that I'm trying to give my desires room to grow. That is definitely taking a role in this learning process I'm being involved in right now, and the days of me putting myself out there to involve the masses is just about coming to an end. I was once told that with the aspects of my life I am involving myself in I'm losing pace, and that I should never restrict myself from my destined success for the latter of someones need to have me stay down with them. As true as it was at the time I heard it, my actions have ultimately got to speak louder then the words in my head.. So, I'm through.


And the process is beginning.

Quick update

its been a good 9 days since I posted something on the blog. Just been goin thru the motions of daily life. Work is work, life is life.

I did listen to this cd my mom gave me about the "law of attraction" and how to find your niche. It was a nice listen, i folded clothes and cleaned the hosue while doing it. And it helped me to start realizing how much i really send negative vibes from my thoughts. Not neccesarily to other people but just to situations. I can hear myself count how many times i say i dread going to work, and how bad those days are when I do. Removing words like "no", "not", and "cant" are things i have worked on most after listening to the audiobook, and also remaining focused on trying to allow my desires to come to play. Hopefully it helps, so far it has, and Im in the progress of making all situtations better. The word of the day is...PROGRESS.

I had some of the extended family over the otha day, and we had a good time like usual. Watched the usual flick, and had a good talk about whatever and whenever. Ended up playin the grown up game of truth or dare, but this was just truth.. and a lotta truths came out lol.. I always feel like even though people may be playing a game involving the utmost truth, some of it still has its curves or falsifications on the inside.. I mean I kept it real, no need for me to lie, and Im not saying that others lied, but that feeling still comes ya kno? Like if someone says, "do you like so and so??".. and you answer honestly, but with the utmost careful answer you can come up with, so that you dont put yourself in a further situation down the line.. LOL, maybe thats just me that feels that way. nonetheless, it was a nice night, everyone bought their share of goodies, and we just had a good evening. Everyone left at around 230, and I can say all of our souls were at peace after the fun evening.

Theres nothing really on my mind about anything else, probably just the Jena 6 situation. Once i actually took the time to read up on it, and educate my self on the issue, it burned me. Still we are at a level where something like this is happening. Made me feel like its still the 1960's, Ill probably write more on it when I have the time and the mindset, but for now, that type of situation is remaining a burning note in my mind. Especially at the amount of young black folks that are involved in the situation. Seems its getting to be more and more in the younger generation.

For now, back to work. Its been a good day.

. NAGGING.

So I have this issue with nagging people. I dont feel like people should be as nagging as they come across, annoying me with questions you already know the answer to, knwoing how Im going to respond, and knowing that you will be nagging me with your questions. Dont ask me "what are you doing" when you clearly see me doing something worth while or not even relevant. If im not in the mood to talk, dont ask me whats wrong.

Im an extrovert, I talk all the time, im and outgoing young man, always have been. So if im not talking, and my expression is blank, its clear that something aint 100% right. Im one to be left alone when not feeling well or up to par. "Momma say" (my mother) used to get on me tough as a kid when i was sick because I would never tell her when I was sick, till my nose was falling off my face. LOL. Private eric. Ive always been that way. Not feeling well = not talking, just kinda floatin, and knowing that the next day will be better.

So this snooty ass, uptight, janky behind manager @ my job comes up to me today as im working, listening to joe blow rant and rave about who knows what. I happened to be reading the newspaper, ya know, keeping up on current events, the usual, still doing my job as im servicing the customer (see "multitasking" in the dictionary). Her ugly self, we call her cruela deville, she looks just like her, minus the hair. wench. So cruela decides to stand at my desk area and make her presence known. Then..

Her: "so, what are you doing?"
Me: (puts customer on mute) "listening to joe blow tell me about his shitty millionaire life"
Cruela: "while reading the paper??" (scrunches her ugly lips)
Me: (blank stare, raised eyebrow).."yes"...
Ugly face: "AH".. (waits for me to put the paper down)

So I turned my back on her, focused back on my customer, and finished my job, and didnt put the paper down. She stood in the area for about 2 minutes more and realized that she wasnt goin anywhere with her strife, so she walked away in her stepped on, run down nine west pumps lol.. floozy.

I respect authority just as much as the next man, but dont try and use your status to intimidate me outta doing something that has no relevance nor distraction to anyone at all except you. My job still got done, joe blow was happy with the outcome, and in the end the world was a better place. But since cruela has a bit of status in this building, she gotta be burger king ambassador and have everything her way? YOU DONT EVEN WORK IN MY AREA! YOU AINT EVEN MY DIRECT CONNECT TO MANAGEMENT! spare me with your stank walk, and your old school shoulderpads, with your cheetah print dresses. Plain and simple, you suck.

Dont ask me a question when you see what I am doing. It should be clear. Keep it real if it annoys you, I can take the heat, even from a big wig. shoot.

anyways, ona brighter note. I have finally decided that Im gonna learn to play the trumpet. Been wanting to explore new avenues and roads in my young age, and after watchin bleek gilliam for the 50th time, i decided to indulge. "who you callin sissy, giant?!?!"

P.S.S. current trend for SEP-DEC.. the usher "burn" beard lol.. Im growin it out!

..swagga up.

Laborless day.

So this past weekend was one full of relaxation and friendship. I had a good 3 days off, well needed and well deserved, as much as I work and have been. Yea, not as hard as other peoples jobs, but a job comes with its own stresses regardless of the profession. Its something about talkin to someone alll day long that just burns me up, thus the reason why I am looking elsewhere. So it was great to not have to indulge in that for 3 days.

1. BBQ's galore. I went to a couple bbq's over the weekend, and ended up being the man on the grill at all of them LOL. pop blessed me with the grill hand, and the patience to be on the grill and make that food right! i must admit, my food went to work. nothing like having everyone in the party compliment the grillmaster, including the mother lol. hats off. but anyways, it was a nice time, I didn't eat much though, being on that grill takes away from the hunger.

2. Liquor. So i actually got tired of drinking this weekend, i had a margarita that sat in my stomach for what seemed like an hour, and after that, this whole weekend liquor tasted bleh. so i kept to my juice and water.

3. Ignorance. so at my best friends bbq, there was a young lady there, of mixed descent. a nice looking young girl, nothing wrong with her at all. We all did the cordial introductions, as me and my friends do. Q's friend mentions to her "hey girl his white friend will be here soon, so u can holla".. immediately caught my attention cause of how loud she said it.. I think she did it on purpose cause there was 6 black men in the house, and thought it would be sarcasm at its best. Me being the person I am, i said "WHAT?!?!" lol. Then proceed to ask her about this so called issue of hers. she explains that where she was raised, the kind of music she listens to, and her experiences turn her away from we as black men. (she listens to rock, country, blabla..was raised in roseville). It made me laugh a little, and as we talk back and forth, the points I attempted to bring up caused her to feel bad. Not my intention at all, some of the others used it as a teasing tool, but I wanted to really get an insight and let her know, that all brothas ain't what she may have experienced. It tires me to hear females and males both put everyone into the same category, instead of using their situations as a case by case scenario. It of course came out that she just doesn't like "ghetto" guys, in her own words, "Ive dated white trash guys too".. which led me to say, well maybe you like a trashy type man?? LOL. came out so wrong, but had such good intentions. Of course she took offense LOL. In the end, she felt bad about her statement earlier, and even gave up the game to one of the boys LOL. intentions there??? who knows, but miss ignorant gave me a good laugh and a good reason to show her what some real young black men are about, with good heads on their shoulders, without trying to holla at her.

4. Quiet. For a point in time this weekend, I didn't say much of anything at all. Just sat and spaced out, with thoughts of nothing on my head. It happened once at the bbq, amongst everyone laughing and chuckling about whatever they were rambling about. I just looked off into somewhere else and said nothing, just observed. Almost felt out of place to be honest, amongst my friends. It was a weird feeling, but appealing at the same time. Which is why i chose to not go out on the town this past weekend. There were so many things to do, but i chose to remain sheltered and quiet, only to release to my friends at the bbq's. And it felt good. I got called old, LOL.. OLD AT 24!.. PSH.

5. POP. I also went to my parents house this weekend, to visit and do some routine vehicle maintenance. Pop and i worked on the truck a little bit, changing break lights, etc. The dang light was so hard to change, when before hand it was so easy, and pop got all frustrated LOL. Not funny, but for a man who pretty much knows how to do everything, something so small can make him mad. What a great pop he is, he told me to go on and take his truck while he finished my truck. I felt bad about it after I left, so I have decided to make it up to him. This man though is the man that doesn't really care for the major gift, material doesn't impress him. Substance does.. cut his grass with the utmost precision at 6am, and he appreciates it. Get him a bottle of that fine 1738, and he appreciates it.Take him to the race, or have a few drinks with him while watchin the cowboys win, and he appreciates it. Just take some of the burden off him that hes had to deal with for so long, and let him breathe for a minute, and he will appreciate it. So that's what ill do. Maybe ill just pop up at the rents house this week and make em some dinner.

.. overall the weekend was nice though, but now of course back to the grind. main focus, being school and getting a new gig!

swagga up!

. headache.

I have a headache. and i tend to always get a headache when im at this job. the people arent the problem. I love my coworkers, my team, they make it happen and fun on team 11. we do it live and eat well. but the repetiton of this job is what has taken my focus and turned it into shambles. yea i kno everyone has a job that is repetitive, but workin at this job has just about had it.. im thru with call centers, this will be the last one that I will be working at and thats a definite fasho. When I come to a realization that its time to leave a job, then its time. because my focus will no longer be on the job taht im doing, but the job taht i want to do. an yea, i have made steps with each job, into a higher pay grade, making me happy that i can improve with each step. well its time again, and this time itll be a change of pace. ive already started the process of moving on, and im preparing myself for challenges ahead. this next transistion will be for the money, the happiness, and the knowledge that im movin up in the world.

until then, i still have that headache.

yea.. me too.

Todays a funny day already. I had one of those wakeups, where im sposed to be at work by 1230, and woke up at 1220.. snapped up like the undertaker (see wwe, wwf lol) and said "oh shit"... veered to the left at ma clock, 12:20.. ahhhh! got up and smashed to the bathroom, washed up, etc.. took the quickest shower ever, still managed to wash everything thouroughly though (gotta stay cleaaaaan).. so as i began to throw ma clothes on, i figured that the black tee on the couch would be a good option to rock today.. maybe im the only one that doesnt have all his lights on in the house, or opens the blinds.. but as i got to work today..i noticed that i have on the ASHIEST black tee in the world. looks almost grey! im sittin ova here at my desk tryna use pieces of tape to eleviate this situation at hand. then i just noticed that i got chalk ash on the worst part of the hand.. that part between the pointer and the thumb.. so i go to use ma lotion, and dont have a drop!.. ah man. so im sittin here wit ashy hands, ashy shirt.. at least my shorts are clean.. and i need a haircut. bla bla bla bla bla bla bla...GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

. Just a thought

Am I the only one who lately has an issue with the lack of inspiration and drive that we as young men are having?.. scratch that.. we as young people, the ladies aint exempt from this.. now I aint sayin everyone, cause I know a lotta folks that are grinding and getting theirs, but I look around and notice a lotta bullshitting goin on, and less vision.. now I know we are young, I know we have fun to have, and long endless nights of crazy and non thinking nonsense, but i still feel as if the main goal should still be to stay focused.. we losin pace real fast. losin respect of elders and those high up who see us as lackluster and un-useable..

I was raised by two parents, and my parents have always been the focal point of my life, and have shown me the right way to succeed. whether or not I have taken that route at every chance given attests to my lack of focus at times, or my desire to be young at heart and just live a little.. but Ive never lost the attributes that were instilled to me by them, knowing that me as a young black male has to work harder and stay on my toes at all times in order to succeed.. my dads a perfect example. hes grinded and torn his way to comfortable living.. been thru turmoil with bases closing, to changing occupations and finding a median in his work and family life. successful.

I wake up and think of how my life will be within the next 5 or 6 years, to which ill be at 30. but I wonder if and how often those surrounding me do.. or those in my initial circle of life, people I come across on a daily basis, see here and there. the majority of the people being the same age as I, so we all do the same things.. but sometimes I feel as if Im one of the only ones that keeps hold of the vision. I want to succeed, I pretty much have to in my eyes. Ive been dealt with a sidekick and best friend since I was 8 that holds the same visions as I, reflective of his parents and his maturity as a man now.. that helps me keep mine.. Ive always been the type of person to try and inspire all around me to be on the same tip, and at times I feel as if maybe I shouldnt. you can only speak to a deaf dog long enough before you realize it wont work.. at the same rate, my outlook is if im eating, everyone round me should be as well... thats love. unconditional. but at the same rate, after diggin offa my plate long enough, that should spark something in the soul to be about it yaself.

Overall, I just have a hard time with the fact that as we get into our older adolescence, as ill call it, maturity and focus should be instilled in your everyday life.. I couldnt function knowing i dont have a job to do everyday.. getting up and enchancing yourself that much more each day, learning something you may not have known th day before, thats enough to have a positive outlook on your future.. I live for now, but I also live for life. life is definitley what you make it, and from the way I see it, as a young man growing into a GROWN MAN, in every context possible (not jus lil waynes song.. not just the way everyone says, the way a young girl will say cause she bought a pair of heels, or a dude will say cause his rims are bigger than 20 inches), I feel as if the desire has got to grow and be a neccesity. not just for me, but for all people my age.

We arent gettin any younger, and the worlds movin faster and faster, I dont wanna be left behind wishin I woulda got an earlier start. None of us should.

FLOETRY...sorta.

so I went to the floetry concert last night at harlows..it was a comfy atmosphere, all the old playuhs came out, the Grown grown women came out, and the eccentric black folks attended as well..it was a nice lil evening, my cousin ceaser was performing in the band for the opening act, he came thru for his cuzzo by gettin me in..spragga benz was in the building!! SHOTTAS!...BUH BUH!.. it was a nice set that they did, only one half of floetry was actually in attendance, marsha..and a new girl, amanda diva, floecists stand in I guess..on the floetry remix tour..they did some new tracks where diva was the main focus, as well as all the floetry classics that jus put me in that oooh oooh oooh mood..marsha could sing the abc's to me and I'd still be in love..I got to thnkn that maybe floetry is breakin up..who knows..but ikno that what I needed I got, her voice (marsha) is so damn angellic, it puts you ina trance, as I was...unable to really speak, only motion my mouth to the same words she spoke, all the while not bein able to take my eyes off of her performance..I didn't really pay attention to the otha girl, which by the way dana, looks NOTHING like alicia keys...iono wut u saw lol..but marsha fed me tha business..somethn tough..

so thanks fa las night marsha ambrosious, cause I slept like a newborn
afta u massaged ma soul for an hr..*faints*

Family reunion pt. 2

saturday- I walked outside at like 10am and it was already 100
outside..the heat smacks you in the face, then u get wet all ova
lol...crazy. this was the main day for the reunion, all the festivities
took place..the bbq, the activities, etc. I went to the mall first wit
ma cousin sterling, its pretty much like arden mall..nothin major to
talk about there...texas has its own form of bops, own form of scrapers
(slabs)..the bops look pretty much like the ones in northern cali, and
act the same too..made me laugh lookin @ em...so anyways, we hit up the
park, in a city called Cheek! haha..cheek, texas..thas hard
lol..everybody had the different color shirts but all the same family
reunion shirt, that way to distinct our families..I snuck up in
cocheese's motor home (the shit was bonkers, big as ma house
almost)...and had a hook wit pop..more drinkin, more food..and the damn
heat made for a good ole combo..we went in the main hall where the
fashion show started, me and ma sis were in it..lol, they loved us..then
came the food and the presentation for the heads of the family, all of
the children of the founders of the family..my cousin chakoula (or
chaka, his real names charles) gave the disertation..he's prolly one of
the most intelligent men you will ever meet, he looks like cornell west,
but grabs ya attention wheneva he speaks cause he commands respect and
attention..I wouldn't ever mind bein ina class wit him as ma professor
cause he's extremely knowledgable..so that was an emotional yet
satisfying part of it cause everyone was introduced, talked about,
including my grandma..so I was happy we were there for that, coming from
the farthest away..the night ended of wit everybody doin the cupid
shuffle and me and the dudes gettin mo tipsy...and anotha plate of
food..the best fod eva I swear...zummo sausages are the shit!!..if u
aint had one..dammit u aint livin...we went back to the hotel and slept
afta a long day out..I had a lotta fun tho..and it was mentally
satisfying..I think for all of us..afta that..all mayhem, lets jus say,
houston, t.i., young dro, etc..too much to type..thas for anotha blog.

sunday- by sunday momma was ready to go home, I was ready to keep
traveling, and it was comin to a close..we pretty much did nothin on
sunday but got to paw-paws house and eat..talk mess, watch the races,
and laugh..had more beer, more liquor, and more food..everybody went to
the boat to go gambling but I stayed behind and caught up wit some
friends I had out there that I had ran into at the club on friday..went
to a place called tokyo, a sushi place like benihanas where they cook
all ya stuff in front of ya, then we jus talked..afta everybody got back
from the boat, we all met up and went back to the hotel and relaxed..the
weekend was comin to a close but it ws overall great...I felt like I
gained hella weight..looked in the mirror and still noticed, I'm lean
lol..I love ma metabolism, cause I prolly ate 7 times on friday, 8 on
saturday and 5 on sunday...food was my girl this weekend ...lol

Family Reunion pt. 1

As I approached my weekend full of my extended family on my fathers
side, I told myself that I would be going into a weekend full of
exciting and new things..this being the first family reunion that has
been had on his side for quite some time..and it being the first time
the family has reaquainted since the death of my grandmother..it was a
truly enjoyable time, full of smiles and brow wipes..tha heat in texas
isn't what u really ned to deal with, its the humidity..its just like
cali, but jus add a blanket of wetness, wit no rain..I didn't really
have a problem adapting to it, since I don't mind heat anyways...

friday- we came in early friday morning, got to our hotel, slept and
slept some more..we woke up and went to visit my granfathers
house..paw-paw is how everybody pronounced his name, so I joined the
crowd lol..we basically didn't really do much at his comfy lil house
offa s. fifth st but relax and talk..his laugh is on that reflects
innocence and happiness, though his eyes tell a different story..he's
been thru a lot since he lost his wife..we went to the gathering to get
re-aquainted wit all the fam bam, we came in lookin oh so cali lol,
stunnas and desinger jeans..stuck out like a sore thumb, but shit, ima
cali boy bred and fed..I kno no otha..it was overall fun, got to see all
the fam..me,pop,A.B. and cocheese snuck in a lil gin so we were lit offa
that..I drank so much this weekend, along wit eatin, iont kno what to
do. lol..we went to this club called "the ticket" wit ma aunt jada and
her husband cliff..it was a swing club, kinda small, but still had a coo
look to it..since I kno how to swing I wasn't trippin, but u kno we had
to let em kno how we two step on da west..so that was enjoyable..lol,
the bartenders there are some stingy asses tho..I was up at the bar,
flashin a hunid, and the heffa aint even act like she saw me..till clif
came ova and told me how u gotta do in texas "aye big booty!..cmon ova
hea baby guhl, I need ma drank now!"...hahaha..I sho did get a strong as
double jack and coke tho..we went back to the hotel afta that, it was a
good night, I met some new folks, and got to party wit ma family..had
some friend rice and passed the f out.

tbc..

(parental guidance suggested) LOL.

Its called that incredible love..
the love I give..
the kind that'll take u out of ya body,
and make ya head spin..
speakin tounges
as I speak wit my tounge,
inside of u..
the depths I reach inside of you,
makes dreamers dream,
of releasing a love so extreme,
hibernation tha only way out of this scene..
backshots makin u scream the star track theme (ahhh ahhh ahhhhhhh
oooahhhhh)...
ur eyes welled up with water,
at such a heavenly scene..
don't worry bout me,
if u feel like u need it,
I got it..
that remedy.
The pill that takes u to the matrix theme.
..A perfect entry..
continuous thrusts,
keep them eyes on the mirror,
its a must.
The tip first..
jus to hear your groan..
the full on effect,
to help u release that moan.
Jus like a soldier bee,
I'm searchin for that sweet nectar in your hive,
I'm tryna taste that honey..
hittin it slowly,
or at world record pace..
afta I'm done..
I won't leave a trace..
only a lifeless frame,
of smooth,
curvacious,
chocolate..
the richest kind...

gimme 10 minutes, and I'm tryna taste u again..

..would u mind?

..Change

Indeed I have decided to search for a further endeavor once again in
this rollercoaster I call life..over the last month I have created mixed
emotions that have exploded into numerous epiphanies..all leading to one
ultimate revelation..its time for a change, a drastic change..one of
major proportions, that will mold a new outlook for me..many a time can
I tell myself that a change can take place, but to do it is totally the
latter..I want to go to a foreign place in my mind, visions unexplored
and untapped..scary as it may be, I need it..
I spoke with my boy troy the other day, its been a minute since we
spoke...since that tragedy that took such a beautiful soul from this
earth...we spoke on occasions but then lost touch for almost a month, so
it was great to talk to him again..he's leavin, movin on to otha things,
tryna find a median from whas been taken from him almost 2 months ago to
what he has to look forward to in the next day..as we finished the
convo, he left me wit this.."get outta sac e, aint nuthin here for us
man"...got me thinkin, besides the fam and friends, what else has been
introduced to me in the past year..nothin major enough to pack up and
leave today, but it struck the mind..
my brotha james is leaving for atl soon, possibly a good change of pace
for him..as sad as it is to see my right hand man go, ma patna in this
6'4 game, I look at it as a blessing in disguise..he has the potential
to change scenery and change the way he does things, so for that I'm
happy..and for james, ill continue to pray for his success, as I pray
for all my close boys..change is good, especially when u have the chance
to enhance yourself..keep it pushin to da..I see u!..and as soon as I
get a chance, we hittin magic city
as far as my changes, I need it..I strive and stir for it, so I'm gonna
make it happen..I've gon back and forth with the aspect of possibly
relieving myself of the life I have built in my hometown of
sacramento..scary as it may be, its also intriguing to my mind...only
way I go anywhere tho is with the stability to improve and further
achieve my goals of success..funny thing about this epiphany, is that
this time...THIS TIME...a change is imminent..and that means
something..will..happen.

I still look to tha skies and ask ma unc for inspiration, as he was a
man always on the move, not afraid to jump off the edge to see what lay
below..and no matta what happened, he made the best out of a
situation...growth as a man..that piece he left within me..and I can't
let that go away.

....

..btw..I'm ready for it now..I looked in the mirror, and my conscience
spoke to me..told me I'm ready..so claire huxtable..watch out. lol.

.. PEEP THE LEG LIFT..

usually folks bend down to wipe the kick.. jerome brings the foot up!!! ma nigga

.. give it to me now lol.. haa

i need a shorts set.. STOP THE PRESS!

im getting married.. right now

thanks teddy.. u jus made me wanna get wifed.

..music take me away

As influential as the life I have chosen, the life I have inherited..my
senses tell me to write when she plays...her wordplay so sincere,
approach to my eardrums and spoken word to my mind tears away at my
psyche..I'm so engulfed in her ups and downs, her upper tier attitude,
her flow of evanescence..simple and complex, loving and careful..careful
to not lead my heart astray but to steer my thoughts into her...

each scat, each pitch, each sincere word and flow she presents to me
leads me to believe she sings to me..leads me to believe she speaks to
me..leads me to believe she sees me..lettin me kno there's no beter,
that confidence takes me ona whirlwind..nicknames and head rubs, not
only physically but deep within the rooted stems of my brain..so intense
is my forseen future with her by my side I can repeat the many words
that pull me further and further in..I like this feeling, only time I've
felt I have fallen..

for a complete stranger, only seen within feet of dialouge, never
completley speaking but always talking, telepathically from miles and
miles apaprt..see has to see me when she writes these so called
confessions..desire to be endulged in me..I welcome it with open arms,
smiling faces, nurturing touches, and steady paces

shit..all I have to do is press rewind to be put in this whirlwind of
emotion to feel the existence of she next to me without even touching
her presence..a breath taken in music is a step taken in life, a
profession of love to the world and influence to my existence that I can
ultimatley one day take her on that joyous ride as she has taken me.

so the need to be out and about has started to run its course with me
I'm noticing..the actual desire to be seen is getting old and this time,
its taking a wild form..that form that pushes it to the backburner and
relinquishes it from ya everyday schedule..no longer do I really feel
the need to do it bigger and better..in sac, doin it bigger and better
can only go so big...only so many bottles can be popped, only so many
vip rooms can be filled, and only so many spots out here have enough
diversity that u feel like your improving in your approach..I'm
tired.mentally, of how the course is takin me...I'm beginning to relish
in the night of nothing, long days of work and weekends of tasks to be
fulfileld and relaxation to be had..yes, I still on occasion long for
the rush of excitment that happens when ya step in the spot and everyone
says hi, the hugs and handshakes, cheek kisses and eye contact..yea its
fun..its great, makes me feel the love.

but its getting old..

and its going nowhere fast..I realized last week that I'm tired and
shouldn't be, I'm 24..and vibrant..I eat vitamins and work out
occasionally..my winds should come often and numerous..lol..tired
mentally definitley..its gettin old..now I'm not sayin ima stop doin it
big from time to time, but the horizon has definitley got to be
broadened...the avenues have got to be open..the lanes need to be
wider..my vision was blury for some time, but now I can see a lil
clearer..(drops some cleareyes* into ma eyes)...gotta get MY focus back
and start to worry bout my growth..caught in the rapture of fun fun fun
with no reprieve doesn't help much..now these options I choose will def
be more beneficial for I.

its hard to get othas on the bandwagon if they don't fully feel ya
vision nor have the same motivation u do..

hmph..time will tell.
-------------------------------------------------------

.nice.

baby youuu got me open, baby I jus wanna make ya mine..by the end o da
niiiiite.. :D

bobby valentinos new album goes to work.

with the inclusion of my best friend gettin saved this past sunday (a
blessing in itself) and ma boy gettin married, at 24, I had an
interesting weekend. to see your "brother", confidant and overall ace
take a big step like that it means a lot...accepting christ is a big
thing, for someone like myself who aint the most spiritual type, church
goin person, but knows who I am and where I'm going, and that its
nowhere witout HIM, it helps to kno that my closest has accepted that
path as well..nicely played my dude!
as for my boy that got married, its funny to see a peer take that huge
step like that. he was happy, gleamin..so I'm happy for him..made me
realize I'm not ready for that just yet, but when that feeling comes,
ill be jus at happy..thas the nex step to the next stage of ya life, and
its a big one..much respect dave, much respect.

my sis graduates the academy this week..congrats sis...she's been thru
hell and back but she made it!..good shit. brotha loves ya.

junes almost over, my bday party was a smash, finished just like I
wanted it to wit me sleep! lol..I'm ready for anotha change...

question of the day: so I wanna learn how to play an insrument..trumpet,
or sax?..

..touchè
-------------------------------------------------------

...hustle till ma heart stop..

letter from teedra :D

See you all the time, when I'm passin by
you neva say a word, u jus smile..
all the silly things others do to impress me,
you take the subtle route,
ths why u caught my eye...

bet you didn't kno I been watchin you,
bet you didn't kno I had eyes for you,
bet you didn't kno that I dream of you,
bet you didn't expect I'd approach and say hi,
but I, see you like everyday..
you be on the block in that swagga way...

been waitin for a second to conversate,
I feel it boy I guess the time is now..

...whassup?

..and every single day, when your eyes meet mine,
I wanna make it clear how I feel inside
I heard around the way who u r and how u rock yo thang,
I try to keep it cool,
when I really wanna roll with you.

bet u didn't kno I been watchin you,
bet you didn't kno I had eyes for you,
bet you didn't know that I dream of you,
bet you didn't expect I'd approach and say hi,
but I, see you like everyday,
you be on the block wit that swagga way

waitin for a second to conversate,
I feel it boy I think the time is now...

..whassup?

I'm feelin you,
ya feelin me,
so baby come with me tonight,
I'm tryna make you see..
jus wat u need is right here in my heart..

do u wana find the way to my heart?

*FAINTS*...

so todays a good day..simple as it may seem, but a good day
nonetheless..brains not occupied wit anything but stackin, chasin them
george washingtons, and finally gettin this hair cut this
weekend..lookin lightweight paul bunyan right now...
the months goin by fast as carl lewis in the 80s, birthdays already 13
days past..man..but I'm feelin good about developments comin along..only
got 340 some odd days till the 25th..340 some odd days till I betta have
ma shit straight...all the way straight.

so I definitley am workin on "claire huxtable"..its comin along
fine..and I will have that for ya soon..indeed.

most intriguing thing on my brain as of late?...a change of
scenery..burning question:...can I move outta sac?..hmmmm...

swagga up!
-------------------------------------------------------

...hustle till ma heart stop..

test!
-------------------------------------------------------

...hustle till ma heart stop..

.. Hov's verse of the day..

Im lookin fa a..
southern girl that cook like patti labelle,
big ghetto booty,
scarf ova her dooby,
chanel unda the louie,
gucci ova her booty,
vicki cova her titties,
attitude o the city,
pretty,
witty,
girly,
whirly,
one who like to party but come home early.. :)
light, kinda drak
short, sorta tall
slim, kinda thick,
i swear i love em all!


i hear you hov.

.. hmm

I had a great birthday party, preciate all the love from all those who came.. it was a success and i finished it the exact way i wanted to.. passed the f out lol.. but it was great.. the fam bam did good on this one.. the weekend was just as fine.. bbq'd and swam.. well if u count gettin thrown in witcha cell phone swimmin.. dammit b!.. its all good tho..

the damn cavs are killin me. no more needed to say on that.

im goin on a cruise this year if its the last thing i do.. luckily i just got the aim i been expectin.. and now i have to get that money ready so i can live it up once again! who wanna go!?!

..question of the day

why is it that people with dirty clothes or dingy shoes always check to see if their clothes are dirty???.. or why does someone with a horribly wrinkled shirt keep tuggin as if the implemented wrinkle will ever go away???


*sigh*..

MY BIRTHDAY

mah birthdays june 7th...

ma birthday party's june 8th..


7 days... HERE WE GO.

well..

back on the grind o' things..newe day new dollar.. or lack there of.. i been thinkin of maybe gettin anotha job on top of the one i have.. folks think that this promotions is a job, not by far.. makes minimal cash from an abundance of cash that is dished out and leaves a sour taste in my mouth each time i invest.. neva have i been the one to wanna make it rain in the club, ill gladly keep my dolla bills in my pocket and put em in the piggy bank when i get home (clikity clank, clikity clank)..

my birthday will be here in a week or so, nothin really major about turnin 24 cept its a year closer to 25 and thas where i needa be takin care of business to the fullest.. the cards look like they are playin up right for me, eventually ima end up mat the 60g a year job, plannin on movin into my own place, and not wit ma sis anymore... and needa get a new whip.. a lot to do in one year.. the jordan year is over... im not as excited for the birthday as bdays before, im jus happy to be alive, seein as so many of my loved ones have gone in the last couple of years.. to be around ma fam, my loved ones, and future loved ones is all that raelly matters to me.. and maybe gettin a lil lit in the process.. lol.. to think that maybe ina few years ill be married or somethin, wit a lil eric jr. on the way, i wont lie, puts a shiver in ma spine.. gotta be ready in all aspects to do that..

hmmm.. companionship...we will leave that topic fa anotha day.. jus know its definitley on my mind more lately then it has been for quite some time.. single for 3 years lol.. woooooooow..*leaves that note on the table to start up anotha day*


i still have yet to get on the travel hype.. a turnaround trip to la was the most recent finding, which in tune, was a very profitable trip.. fun with a quick result.. i aint mad at it.. (*bumpin weezy.. the carter 1*).. maybe soon enough that trip love will come my way.. i have not forgotten about my so called cruise i wanna go on.. no joke.. i got to do it!

pops is good, mommas good, rest of the family is good.. the boys are the boys, always findin somethin to get into lol.. magnum up!..sisters are good, the house is fine. we been bbqin a lot lately, the most recent one went to work hahah.. wake up jd! lol..

*random story*.. so i took a shower last week, not the first shower in foreva or nothin, but this one was funny.. im walkin out the bathroom, towel wrapped around (ladies create a vision here, haha).. as i hit the hallway, i guess the water on my feet, the lil amount that there was, found its way to the floor, so i slipped, fell, and the heel of my foot puts a hole in the wall.. the damn towel flys off, and im layin on the wooden floor lookin like a fool.. all i could do was cuss, until ma sis comes stormin out the room.. then i hada rush to the towel and wrap it back around hahahha.. damn water.. moral of the story, dry ya feet first.

thas all fa now.

and since i kno your readin this .. *hello fe*.. ;)

the interference that is running through my brain is really causing a big problem in my everyday living as of the last 2 weeks..

ive made it back from texas, sticky texas.. within spending time with my family, i didnt get much time to reflect on the events that have taken place in the last 10 days.. starting with the confirmed death of my grandmother, and the realization that after that it wont be the same for my dad or my family for that much.. pops was going thru it, as he should have.. that was his mother.. my emotions were in tune for the most part when it happened, one reason being i didnt really know her.. met her 4 times, but while it crushed my dads insides, that forced me to be affected.. times like this i wish that you could just stop working for a minute and recollect every thought.. but thus is life.

so i went to texas.. but before i went to texas.. i had to deal with home.. afta the phone call told me what had happened at the club on tuesday, i rushed up there naturally to make sure none of mine were injured..i found out it was ma kebret (i used to call her keebler..), and it got all downhill from there.. i dont wanna get too deep into it, cause it really affects me..especially since i had to call my boy and tell him his girl was shot.. be in the hospital alll night long, see the family react to that tragic news, and feel selfless to know that this would affect so many people ina negative way.. and o yea, go to texas the following day for a funeral..

texas was fun and eye opening.. i met family members i hadnt met ever, and ones i hadnt seen in a long time.. all grown up and with different aspects and mind frames.. most of the time was spent sitting outside enjoying the humidity and crazy weather, rain off and on.. with a beer and some great great food.. i gained some weight out there. good weight. i was worried about ma dad not doin well, but it seemed when we, his kids, got out there, he was fine.. i hope thats what the reason was, cause that would be fine with me.. random phone calls to check in on my extended family back home helped me stay on top of things there, which helped the transition.. but back to texas.. we spoke on childhood fun, i saw pics of my dad when he was 18, made me laugh how much we looked alike.. he laughed and laughed, didnt have much of an appetite, but drank like a fish.. i was by his side for the most part, have to make sure my dad is good..the funeral was not as easy for the family, but we all were strong.."eye on the sparrow" was a choice song sang, and that tore the church down.. and once again.. we ate.. my favorite from the trip had to be ma cousin james "cocheese" briggs.. classic storytellin wit that southern twang.. hes a great man that made the transition of death easier for everyone, especially my dad..

***special shoutout to shaka.. made those days easier to get thru witcha convo.. u are appreciated***

afta all these events, my brain is left ina clutter of thoughts.. mostly pretaining to how im gonna change some things over the next coming months.. my birthdays coming, i needa do something for that.. i feel that a change needs to come, stagnant is my approach to life right now...

all i know is my prayers are with all of those caught in the rapture of life that is death, its the coldest game and leaves its mark on everyone.. damn sure has left its mark on me.. and im affected by it, sincerley..



.. change gon come.

does anybopdy feel me when im sayin that omarions first cd goes to work??? got damn! i sit here at work and its amazing the type of music that gets you in the mood to work.. i got my ipod glarin in ma left ear, while a customer rants and raves in ma otha ear..and omarion "slow dancin" comes on.. man, the song goes to work, clearly a club worker, tho most any d.j. wone pla y it.. let me be a d.j. ill have 15 women pregnant, and 4 more couples engaged by the end of the night. the cd goes to work tho.. crucial.. his second cd is clean, yea "midnight" is the premier joint.. i love the clarity of cheating this fool protrays.. "one o clock im in it!.. 2 o clock, still in it!".. cheat on playa.. cheat on.

but "o" is the cd.. first cd was a slapper, and i pay homage and respect where its due.. no homo. for my birthday i think i wanna have 3 parties, one of em will def be a nasty function, i dont care, all slow jams and adina howardish slutty shit lol.. jackie o's and luke dukes..open legs and grindeeng.. tristin pumps and odie strokes hahahaha.. they kno who they are haha. suckas.

now vivan greens "complete" is on the ipod. shes great.. long hair or short hair.. ill love u incedibly from ya head to the soles of ya feet viv.. jus let me... i kno ya name alicia, and i wont tell ya secrets, i see you wit ya t shirt and panties adina, i kno how many licks it takes lil kim, i miss you too aaliyah,.. i could keep goin, but u get the idea.. ive always loved the woman slow jam, makes me feel loved lol

random.. i was talkin to my folks the otha day, and i pointed out something to her.. if u want a dude to wanna wife u, or even get married, play some MUSIQ.. dudes songs always make someone like me wanna start a family hahaha..all that talk abou tbeautiful love and a son that looks like me, daughter like u type ish.. makes a brotha wanna break down and get married.. live a long life, wit some babies and a house lol.. even at 23. damn you musiq... like a musical kryptonite.. think im lyin??? play his new cd in the car one day wit ya dude, see how mushy he gets.. might even hold ya hand in public.. might even kiss you in public, while hummin the lyrics to jagged edges "lets get married" lol.. musiq= kryptonite. damn u musiq..


jamie foxx's "forecass"... indeed.. thas all ima say. that and, raindrops fallin down all ova my love.. soakin wet all ova the bed??? that def calls fa a change of sheets.. wether or not you are too tired after a good session to do that, or jus charge it to the game and sleep in the wet spot??... question of the night.

cheerio.

more ipod love manana.

..swagga up! magnum up!

...DISCLAIMER....

anything on ma blog, is ALL ME.. i dont plagerize..

thx,
management.

mom and dad in texas.. i may have to go this week. grams not doin well.

brains blank.


..blah

....

umm.

my grandmas dying.

and my pops aint doin good.

so that means i aint..im in
s.l.o.w m.o.t.i.o.n


:|

..LOL

im not a one guuuurrrrl guyyyy..
when it comes to love, i dont lie..
and the guurls respect me for it..

aint gonna say ma nose caint be opennn
but right now theres jus too many fine ladies out thea

to choose just one...



(thanks Hov...)

made me laugh today, when i really needed one.. :\

..soon to come

im writing somethin called "claire huxtable"...


talk amongst yaselves.

..old school

..rarely am i blinded by the scent of satisfaction..
..but she smells like equality,
..she reaks of potential..


..and it aint just her body lotion.

I make love to my poetry..

I make love to my poetry
in between college ruled symmetry
my mighty lead leads as she mimics me
overcome by my mastery of melodic metaphor play,
she dares not stray
as my tounge lyrically laps at the gentle folds of her lavish literature,
she seductivley sucks on my silent syllables,
desperate to devour my diction..
nibbling at the nectar of her nouns,
while figuratively fingering her phrases,
she sings to me verbal praises...

Cause I make love to my poetry..

I open the folds of her pages
and penetrate with deep thrusts of intense intellect..
instantly inducing an overflow of ideas
persistently pounding her pronouns with precise wordplay..
softly stroking the seams of her synonyms,
while she harmoniously hums the heavenly hymns of my homonyms..
with every stroke of my pen,
the deeper I descend
till she finally begins to shiver within..

Completely astounded by the mental endowment,
she still cant figure out how her lips got around it..
and as my words submerge,
to the depths of her verbs
I start to observe all the love she deserves..
so I give her my all, from first verse to final
and flow with a rythym that gyrates her spinal..
and as one,
we peak,
to complete an act so sweet...
eager to repeat she discretley deletes,
after saving our progress,
im anxious to digress..
and when my pen hits her flesh,
I never know whats next.
and thats the part i love the best..
cause it keeps our love fresh..

so its to you that i confess..

I make LOVE to my poetry..

..different

subliminal views:


We could be different..
on the seperate playing field
competition not a factor on our plain..
only the existence of ONE.

We could be different..
points and stares
smiles and glares
claims of similarity
to the difference seen thru you and me..
you and i
fly so high
and strive...
to be different

We could be different...

as many say,
but so few do
change the game with their love
the way we conspire to do..
and how lovely it can be
with the difference exposed..

and the ultimate love is shared.. thru We..

We could be different.

Saturday night

Live everyday like its saturday night, to live and enjoy the greasiness of life..the drunken luster, the inhibitions released unto the swirl as not a care in the world..ima millionaire on saturday night, not afraid to be alone in my world of continual push..wonderous eyes and wandering minds, I kno that I can learn from saturday eve...the euphoria, mixed with the prohibited and restricted lifestlye I lead..livin everyday like its saturday night..

Crawlin thru the closet of work and forced revenue into the narnia known as saturday night..freedom of self, speech following every vauge feeling of want..lust is allowed on saturday night, love supreme to explode the scene, expose a feeling so serene...play by play of how fine the dine, amongst grown pours of wine...fly the friendly skies, the gonja filled lies, the drunken smiles, and the carefree, cologne filled, breeze/...
Live everyday like its saturday night, sneakin out of the house with that bit of fright, pushin away all the fights..fall in love on saturday night, control the sights on saturday night..she's aight on saturday night.

To live..and breathe, on saturday night..is like a change of the world..upside down feelings, neva knowing how true you can feel, how blue u can feel..like a king, or even green..nothing even matters like miss hill proclaimed, indeed saturday nights the time for games..sincere games of life and strife..stress involved dialouge, along with resolve for anger thru the fog..I love the life I live on saturday night..

Saturday eve, midnight to 5, livin the life, so loud and live..so I live each day like its saturday night..to breathe and realize the tru u...thank u saturday night, u provide the song that plays my life tune.

valentines and hoes

st. valentines day..


rats off to saint valentine for the creation of this day of "so much love"
valentines day
I think v day is made for 2 types of people.. those in fresh relationships with something to prove, or those in established relationships (I.E. marriage) that want to show the spark of creativity is indeed alive.. outside of that, everyone else needs a freak for the night to accomidate themselves..or to feel like their significant other or interest really feels like they are a million bucks. i would participate in valentines day, dont get me wrong, but it wouldnt be as glorified with me.. ill be ya valentine on septemba 16th, june 8th, u get what im sayin.

Story:
an old friend of mine hit me last week, wondering when id ask her to be my valentine. random in my eyes, simply because of the fact that first, noone has ever requested ME to ask them .. second, she has a man. third, i didnt want to be her valentine.. i proceed to educate her on her current status, and she states they broke up.. im laughin on the inside, for one cause im not even thinkin about bein her v day guy, but i wanna hear the reasoning. peep this. she really said this.

"every year around valentines day, i usually break up with my dude, and kinda jus have a friend for the night..."

..lets sit and soak that up for a second.

lets continue.

a pre scheduled, pre planned, no holds barred breakup?? just for valentines day,to feel loved or liked by someone else, to feel more appreciated? i was shocked..more like appauled.. then i thought about it... this helfah is a bonafide HOE. hoes need love too, maybe more on valentines day. i can imagine a pimp slappin his hoe extra soft on that day, jus to show the love he holds for her.." i do it cause i love you bitch, now go get them chips for daddy.. maybe ill get you some chocolate,"chocolate".."

im hella weak at the fact that anyone would plan a breakup each year, and accomidate their urges to be with someone else.. perfect ya craft HOE, be all that you can be, take over the world with your methods and strategy.. ..jus dont do it wit me.. I dont get down like that. *sings neyo*

so heres to valentines day, and heres to the lovers rushing to get the gift thatll make her smile, or him feel good, until friday when you forget that valentines day was just 2 days ago, and now its a regular february day where she aint the love of ya life, or he smells like feet...

heres a thought. i wonder how many people cheat on valentines day.. maybe itll turn into a holiday strictly for infidelity..bottles up! panties down! and to all a good night.

..

..out of sync

She Fed my ego wit the essence that I was king..thru the illuminated views and construed thoughts, I began to feel so, and everything else became serene..sly mans approach to a killa swag, she had that kryptonite to make ma heart sag..not in the aspect of neva feeling again ,but the feel to want to be felt and touched again..by she.
Beauty is her beholder, shines out of her eyes..illuminates the skies, steals the whole scene..almost as simple as a random phone call to say hello, with the same feeling of nervous tension..wondering where she's wandering in her subliminal thoughts, hoping and praying I will ultimately be the brunt of the patterns she creates in her mind..
She fills the skies with potential, turns rainy days into sleepless works of art..pulls each urge to her, each flight of light and feeling of lust for life she holds purpose to..
All I wanna say is hey...a simple hello, and with all the emotion of an adamant subject, help her feel that I feel what she needs..in all possibility, I could be that dream..love dream, life dream, dream as she sees as possibility..as simple as a hello, as complex as a profession of love/lust..
Alone ina room with millions, speaking dialogue without saying a word, subliminal sex scenes in ya brain..mind sex, definitely aint gotta take our clothes off yet..rip thru each layer of ya brain, ur emotional frame, the layers that create she..the she that rarely is seen, but known to be exposed when the right key is placed in the lock..and opens the doors that were closed

All I'm askin is for a minute..a hello, good morning, afternoon, night, lifetime, loving, effortless love scene without cameras..just she and I..

..can I have those thoughts?..

so simple, yet so complex

VEGAS..

so much energy exerted ova these last 5 days.. first night was so live, such a way to start off ya trip.. met moguls and fashion famous makers.. lookin inside of maself and seein that this is the kinda life that i was made for.l.. cept for of course the extremity.. i coulld neva live in vegas.. i can always visit, but damn.. the strip is becomin the most horrible thing to look at.. didnt spend any money at the machines, cept for afta thursday night.. threw 2 dollas away at the lil machine right outside of tryst..light, tryst, body english.. the 3 places i hit this weekend.. lovely lil spots wit plenty of energy and plenty of fake titties lol.. i loved it all, it was a beautiful affair..

PIMPS.. well maybe not pimps, but niggas wit perms! where in the hell does it say in the fashion bible that perms are still the shit..i mean i saw the curly prince jheri curl perm from the late 70s (RASBERRY BERET PERM), i saw the bishop don magic juan perm, the classic mullet perm, and the ever drippin soul glo jheri.. on some up to date lookin men too.. even saw a white man wit a perm... his was lightweight bangin tho, he had the gumption to have some sideburns..i saw 80 elvis lookalikes.. i wonda how they feel walkin around all day lookin like someone else.. ima pay someone to be an eric impersonator..

i saw a million and a half interracial couples, not a problem in my eyes, but got damn.. hella black men wit white women.. i could see if maybe they were good lookin, but these women were hefty, toothless..think about PREACH from DONT BE A MENACE... memba that turfed ass ghost he had wit him in the end of the movie.. lol.. yea, jus like them.. i would put a pic up, but thats doin the most... she was pitiful.. and so were they. boooooo black men in vegas.. get u a nubian... or at least one of these betta lookin women.. shame. in that case, booooo black women too. walkin around wit larry king lookalikes

lookin at a lil energetic dog right now runnin around eating one of mah socks.. atari, ur the man.. or the dog.. however you wanna say it.. mah energy level has risen and fallen this past trip, more on the up then tha down.. even tho i had a down evening where i did nothin but chat on weight and lankiness, thanks miss freshtadef..witcha big feet.

whos betta lookin, shalain or sydney from house party???? ive gone back and forth with this for ages.. who ida chose if i was there.. they both had gigs, and "style".. hmm.

i go back to work tommorrow, dont want to.. oh well, fuck it.. maybe ima get up early tommorrow, change it up a lil bit.. its time for anotha extreme change. im in stage one of the change, this year has already started crazy.. january was a month to remember, which is great and feels good..

i need ideas for my party in june for my birthday.. im thinkin nekked part 1.. slow jams and club bangers. everybody get nekked! cept for you ova there in the corna.. keep yo wifebeata on

omarion is on right now, and i swear i jus saw atari start dancin.. 2 steppin dogs, hmm.. what a concept.

i got called tyson beckford las night by some white dude at body english..i wanted to murk dude cause he kept puttin his arm around me (im 6'4 and he was like 5'10) so he was pullin me downward.. tellin me how if i dont pull some bitches, he would kick ma ass.. i woulda turfed money, but i realized my tab was still open at the bar, my id was there, and my ride was halfways across the club..way to go e, but that woulda been a lovely memory. he did pay for my double patron tho..way to go drunk guy who called me tyson.. NO HOMO.

vegas isnt as pretty as people say it is.. women wise that is.. i felt like i was back in sac at some points, but then i felt like i was in candyland in othas.. hella women with plastic things comin from all areas, bleh.. the natural woman out here is not in at all, and neitha is the smellgood person... i walked by a woman las night and almost fainted, she smelt like feet afta a football game.. speakin of football, fuck the colts.. way to go DUNGY.. anyone ever notice that peyton manning always shakes his head when he talks, even if he is confirming somethin.. fuck tony romo till next season.

im done for now, ill elaborate later on my trip.. 5 days worth of interesting endeavors and late night trips to krispy kream, with a long island.LOL