2008..

"..I find it hard to say..."
-Lauryn Hill


2008 is over.

And in this year I have grown in strides and bounds..
In love and life,
in trust and turmoil,
in release therapy and rebellion,
feelings of self pity and self resolve..
repentance against your own self,
your normal being,
your wake up call coming every morning to know thy self,
and to prove that you, yourself
are the on that can handle it all..
my vision once blurred,
now fine tuned like a blues guitar,
wailing on rifts of evolution that only i can envision..
growth that only i can play the music of life to..

though i find it hard to say
that i one day will be better then today,
its still the intuition inside
that guides me and teaches me
that i still can fly..

I hope i can continue to groom my sight of completion.
along with the beautiful hand guiding me in the right direction,
feeling my feelings of feeling for you..
the thought of success never fails,
only grows,
like a welcoming tumor that cannot be phased,
only fed and urged that one day,
advancement will be the ultimate pay..

I've learned to pay myself,
look further then my heart,
envision a sight of WE,
and not only feel the heartbeat of me..
to lust for more then love,
for that's only the beginning,
and to push harder
work faster,
be stronger,
fight longer..
for in the end, its all up to me,
to keep it going...

here's to 2008,
ina nutshell,
my eyesight remains up towards the heavens...
while stomping and scathing the thoughts of hell..

-E

Happy Holidays!

From my family to yours, all my blog loved ones,
I say unto you happy holidays. Enjoy the time that
you will spend with family, friends, or even just
yourself and understand the reason for the
season!

much, much love...

- E

stylin..

.. am I the only person who gets really greedy
round christmas time? I see everything I desire and
put it all in a subliminal mind list that I have for
myself. I've had the urge to throw every single
piece of my wardrobe out and start from scratch,
at least my winter wardrobe that is.. I see all
these fresh argyles, slacks, scarves, button downs
and I get to imagining, throwin on the square toe
game and stylin... and lookin fly.. ha. u got to
co-or-di-nate craiiiig!
speakin of craig... "bye felicia.."
I bet if you say that around any group of us, one
out the group will automatically say.."but craig!?"
LOL..
Back to the wardrobe..I hate that when you want
something, and don't have the capacity to get it
just yet, every store, every online seller, every
anything has the exact color you want, in your
size, perfect fitting and everything.. so today is
the day that you wanna have the 17 1/2 36-37
length.. the day I can't buy it.. and every other day,
when I'm able, they wanna have the shirts only a
5 foot 8 man can wear.. man when the cards are
stacked against you..even ya fashion sense suffers.
its hard finding an identity to your fashion at times
without either 1. killing your wallet 2. looking too
much like someone else 3. killing your wallet..maybe
well, no maybe.. I know I'm picky when it comes to
what I rock, simply because its hard to find things
that I like that fir right on me..

I need a fashion analyst..

..WOA, CALI?.. NO DOUBT

Im hoping that everyone had a great thanksgiving!!!

While I sit at work and all the other folks are enjoying their day off, I decided to blog, since I really dont and havent. SO im gonna take this time to read up and catch up on everyones lives.. lol

be back.

Why

Why the hell do men talk to other men in the
bathroom? Like it can't wait for 2 minutes until
you get out of the spot and send dude an email?..
Or like u can't go chop it up in the breakroom?
I heard dude today on the phone in the bathroom, in
the stall, wit his folks talkinbout, "yea man I damn
near hada kick dudes ass..." WHAT! if you on the
phone with me while you in the restroom and I hear
you grunt once, I'm off the phone. No questions.

Why does water at work taste so good?

blue M&M's go hard n the paint.

Why do people talk about work on lunch?.. "aww
man that damn code wasn't working so I had to tell
the guy to call back..".. Know what I say on lunch?
NOTHING. Shoot, as soon as this heat cools off,
I'm going right back to takin naps on lunch.

Why are there really only 6 days till the election?!
exciting times! I won't lie, the nerves are a little
unsettled about this one.

Why the hell is October already over?

Woa..

A month seems like forever when your not in blog land.. jeesh!!

Well, here goes..

1. I started working out officially October 2nd. And basically go 6 times a week, with inspiration from PT. We workin it out tuff!!! Hittin the weights, the bikes, the treadmill.. lets get it baby! Im up in there with the roid rage fellows, and all the moms that had babies tryna lose that fresh 25 they put on from the pregnancy.. yee! (sidenote: if theres one majority race that goes to the the gym, its asians. Nothing against the workout kind, but if another lil 5ft 2in asian man sneaks his way before me on the curl machine, ima pick him up and bench press him..through the window. ) My goal, to have some more muscle mass by January 09.

2. Works officially, official. I got my 730 shift back, which makes me more then happy. Its amazing how much 45 minutes does to your grumpiness in the morning..

3. Ive been on a music downloading craze lately.. all kinds. Im trying to stack up for the winter.

4. I have friends who arent voting this election.. and to them i clearly say (clears throat. bringin it from the diaphragm).. FUUUUUCKKKK.. YOUUUUUUUUUU.. you no good summama somethins.. no respect for those who died for your right, no respect for your family lineage no matter what race, and no respect for yourself.. it takes less time to vote then it does to use the bathroom, yet you would much rather have ya head up ya ass cause "you know whos gon win..", or "yo vote dont count anyways".. This is America, where anything can and will happen to NOT allow someone like my future president to get ahead.. simple simon muthafucka..

5. Chris Rock's comedy special is like all of his, to the point.. his joke about people with carers and people who just work, is clearly on point.. Im the one who is always lookin at the clock wondering why it took an hour to get from 1025 to 1044.. LOL

6. yall miss me? prolly not..

7. Whats the deal with my cowboys.. aw man, it hurts me soul to see this happening.. we will bounce back. im sincere about that one. If I have to fly down to TX myself and give a swift kick in the ass to all 55 of em wit a knife edged brogain on..

8. Today was probably the longest day ive had at work by far. You ever sit at work in the same position at your desk just cause your too lazy to move out of fright that you might use all your energy and fall right aslep? Im talkin answerin folks questions that sit right next to you in the form of an email... LAZY.

9. Just cause it goes so hard in the paint..(4:50-5:10.. I see you Nupe!)


10. And who said lil white boys have no gigs..


holler.

..Wait. Wut?

"Hada feeling, that it would be a day like this.. tha orchestra in my mind, dont play like this..."

- Lupe Fiasco

Well, the word of the month is early.. cause everything seems to take place so early. I have yet to maintain the effect of getting up while the sun is still down, though I still manage to throw myself out of bed at 550am every morning, Monday thru Friday, and drive to work on numb state.. Ever drive to work numb, not really paying attention to whats going on around you?? I mean really not paying attention.. just.. driving.. not until my car sputtered and I realized that I hadn't put oil in my vehicle in quite some time, and I had to pull over into the gas station and get gas.. and oil.. and reach in the water with the window cleaner and dump it all ova my face to wake up.. (ok that didn't happen.. but you get it..), did I actually realize that it happens quite often with me. I feel like a robot at times in the morning.

I'm really feeling like the more and more I go through the week, that I sincerely have no clothes to wear. I mean I can look around my room, in the closet, and just think to myself "I could really just throw all these clothes away (cept my suits) and start from scratch.. man, if only I had money to burn LOL. Wouldn't it be nice to just throw all ya stuff away and then go pick out a whole new wardrobe. I need to start doing like I did back in grade school. Go to the store and get a new look for the next school year. Only thing, that was mom and dads money LOL

.. My damn cowboys lost yesterday. AND the gators lost on Saturday. It seems that's how it happens, if one loses, the next loses right in stride. I was pissed to say the least, and then, my momma says.. "you woulda thought you bet money on this game?!?! y'all act like you play for the cowboys..".. LIFE HOURS momma.. LIFE HOURS.. I put in a lotta hours watchin cowboy games a year (16 weeks x 3 1/2 hrs a game.. ).. not to mention the time spent reppin the cowboys (work ranting, bar ranting, fantasy players, shit talking excessively, etc..) I mean, if the cowboys had a stock, Id be in the damn Board of Directors... (feel me EB, PrettyBlack).

-Ever notice that "Slim" from 112 , ain't really that slim.. or is it just me? YOUR LEEHHHTAAAH

-I'm tired of seeing this... " hey I'm (insert new big booty model, or artist tryna make a comeback), if you wanna call me, hit me at....."

-Hi, Im SWAG, if you wanna call me hit me at 916-202-youmustbedesperate

-Im gonna make my own stupid song with a catchy tune, and I'ma call it "too many minutes on my cell phone plan".. anybody wanna do the Roger Troutman voiceover for me?? TOO OUUUh MUYAAUUUUCH MINAAYUUUTTES... say it out loud.. then you'll feel me.

-Lloyd's new album should have had a few songs from "Street Love" on it.

-Jazmine Sullivan's not scared of "Lions, Tigers, and Bears.." but she is of love.. I don't know, if I saw mufasa runnin up to me, Love would seem a lot easier..

-Funny how stuff comes full circle.. when I was younger, I woulda sold my soul to trade my sandwich in my lunch to someone for some fruit snacks, or a donut, or something from hostess. Today? Id give anything for a sandwich and soup combo, and cant stand eating donuts, unless its really time to eat donuts..

Its already Tuesday!!!! Lets think optimistic for the rest of 08. The end of the day means the coming (GOD willing) of the next day of your life.. and as always, remember..

..The safest place to be, is in the presence of GOD..

Twos-day

"And I'm back on my grind, my psychic read ma
lifeline,..." - Kanye West

1.So how the hell does the vending machine take my
2 dollars that I put into it tryna get me a lunchable
so I can munch in training!!!!! What the f! So please
believe that I called the people and they are sendin
my 2 dollars to my home address..

2. I'm tired of training, I need to get outta the area
of these folks who are slower than usual, yes I
realize that some of us are accelerated, but some
of these folks in the class have ZERO sense... You
know when you see someone in the class you know
won't make it? well I see about 3 people. Womp.

3. I swear my truck has the worst luck. I'm driving
home yesterday, and boom, the damn right side
speaker blows out. I wasn't even bumpin!!!

4. I'm seriously contemplating taking something like
a cooking appreciation class cause I'm learning to
love it more and more. Watching all these cooking
shows and such, and I must say I'm getting better.

5. anybody see my COWBOYS get in that ass? pop
and I damn near lost our voices last night over it,
great job by the offense, defense needs to step it
up, and Roy Williams needs to get off my program.
I'm glad he got benched. F'in up my program!!!!

6. What's with people and funkiness? I always
wonder, can they smell themselves? Do they
understand they don't smell well? how long does
it take until you realize "man I'm kinda tart.."

7. Remember those "sure" deodorant commercials?
"raise your hand if your sure!"... well my trainer is
clearly not sure. She needs to wear some "strong
enough for a man.. but ph balanced for a woman"
funk repellant.. she weats like MJ in the 4th
quarter of game 7 with 10 seconds left.. jeesh

8. I miss my blog family.

..You'll neva have to beg, me to come to bed..

..."ill walk you there, each night.."

I like Jazmine Sullivans song. Matter of fact I like
all of her material I have heard thus far. She gives
me a Lauryn Hillish feel when I hear her. And I kno
that her song is a hit, cause even my boys sing it.
That's how ya know when a song is a hit, when the
men start singing a ladies song.. "bad as the air I
breaaaathe"... LOL

So its hot still, I can't keep coming outside from
work and training and almost passin out from heat
intake.. lawd.. my trucks windshield is cracked, its
one of those cracks that happened 3 days after I
picked up a new one, which pissed me off.
Am I the only one who can imagine the windshield
bursting while I'm drivin on the freeway one day?
that would be huck..

Radio stations are stupid. So our local radio station
is having a contest to see who the biggest MILF
is in my city..HOW DUMB IS THIS. So ya got all
these women calling in tryna pump themselves up,
shoutin out their myspace links to check em out,
at their milfish best.. see this is why I don't listen
to the radio.. "TURN YO RADIO DOWN, TURN YO
RADIO DOWWWN!" Plus our station doesn't play
anything but the current top 40, who's the say
that when I'm drivin to work in the morning I don't
wanna hear some Raphael Saadiq? NOT the same
ole Lil Wayne.. but I digress..

At least payday is tomorrow..drinks on me!

Clarity.

“I cant see myself anywhere but here.. the outlook seems so clear”

So this is the final job of the 2008 season for me.. I finally pulled down something that has the convenience of good gas mileage, good pay, benefits up the yin yang, and a comfortable environment with the ability to achieve and accelerate my pay quickly. Its been a tough road to pave this 2008, I look back at the first 8 months and it really has come to pass.. FINALLY. My goodness, I swear I've blogged about each and every job that I have had this year, with the hopes that it would be the one.. But nonetheless, they didn’t pan out. I can say it though, I’m not doing any temp jobs anymore, no jobs with all the right things but then one major wrong, its all come to fruition.. PHEW..I promise!

Well, except for the getting up at 6:20 every morning thing.. But I doubt that will ever come into play when it comes to my money.

I was watching Hilary Clinton’s speech this evening at the Democratic convention, and I caught myself laughing. Not at her, nor the convention ( if anything I was happy that the whole thing was centered around OBAMA), but I was laughing at my parents. And I sat back and thought about how my political views re, and how they are close to or different from my parents. How they yell at the TV when a bad thing is said about O, and I jump in and say it too.. but then it dawned on me how sometimes I say things that make the utmost sense, and they don’t even notice that they are taking a backseat to what I’ve just said and now are in full agreement with me. LOL. The son being the teacher to the parent? Sometimes it happens I guess.

Summers almost over. Its been a hot one. Off top. I mean I haven’t gone swimming once this summer.. NOT ONCE! I can actually say that I am ready for the colder weather to come so I can start rockin a pea coat again! Shoot I haven’t bbq’ed in almost a month. The urges have been lost, and I’ve been cookin in the house instead. WTF?

What you know bout goin to bed before 12? Shit I thought I didn’t know, until that 6 started showin up when my alarm beeps..

Parlay..

WHOOOS THE MEANEST!!

RIP SHONUFF...

Actor Julius Carry has died. He was 56.
The star passed away on Tuesday, according to MediaTakeOut.com, but details of his death have yet to be released.
Carry was most famous for his role as Sho Nuff in cult 1985 martial arts film The Last Dragon. He enjoyed a long career in the TV industry, starring in shows such as 1989's Doctor, Doctor and making notable appearances in JAG, Diagnosis Murder and Spin City.

DAMN.... he went so hard..

Get me 2 CC's, STAT!

So my new name is Nurse Eric..

Ma dukes had knee replacement surgery on Monday of last week, a hectic process to say the least.. Shes a Strong lady, and I really think this was the right thing to do seeing as shes been havin knee problems for the latter of 20 years. So she finally took care of the process.. Only thing is, this is gonna be a pretty hectic rehab process.

Shes been home since Thursday of last week, and since I'm at home until the J.O.B. starts next week, Ive been playing nurse. Not to my chagrin or anything, I wouldn't have it any other way simply because of the fact that I love my mother to death, and want to make sure shes taken care of. Even if it means less and less sleep, and countless phone calls to ma cell phone LOL.. hell, it doesn't ring much anymore anyways. But it is hectic on her as a woman, and I know it wrenches her to not be able to be as mobile as she was before. In 6 to 8 Weeks though, she will be up and walking, even with the help of a cane, but her spirits should be high.

I wont lie, its a little annoying at times when some folks undermine your ability to take care of business, feeling that you are incapable of handling it all. I'm the baby boy, so lets just call it the baby boy syndrome.. and I ain't talking bout Tyrese AKA Jody either..Maybe I just don't like to feel like people in my family don't have confidence in me to accomplish a task, but damn.. Im 25. I have common sense. And if anybody wants the transition that momma has to go thru to get better smooth, its me. Ive always maintained to be the one out of the 3 children she has to lag back and ensure that everything is sufficient and taken care of while the other 2 go about their business. Your mind almost makes you have a mommas boy mentality in a sense when your the only boy, and the youngest...

So as I sit and sip this Heineken from the bottle, and relax my mind as well as my body, I think that the rest of this week should be a good one, at least I'm hoping. Let me ask, do you ever get the feeling that people, preferably the elders in your family look at you as if you aren't able to accomplish even the smallest task???.. I mean damn, my grandmother called me a baby today LOL.. " that baby don't need to be doin that.." WTF?

Take me away Mr. Mayer....cause I don't wanna let it take me down..

BLOO JEENS..

why is it already august??? jeesh

sooo..

1. I promised myself im gonna have a better second half to the 2008 season, and so far its going ok.. finally got something stable to hold on to with this job situation.. jeesh, been a long ride

2. havent really wanted to blog, theres really been nothing tearing at my mind as of late..

3. Im happy, I guess.

4. My momma is havin knee replacement surgery on monday, a little nervous about it, but I know that she will pull through fine.. shes a soldier when it comes to surgery.. I dont know how she does it, shoot only thing thats ever happened to me was a broken wrist..

5.. which leads me to ask.. why when you break your wrist or have wrist problems (carpel tunnel) do you have to get a shot in ya booty???????

6. I like money..

7.. which means I need more of it to love it.

8. Will Ferrell is so stupid HAHAHA


BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABE!

9. HARD KNOCKS-DALLAS COWBOYS.. I suggest all you haters of americas team watch it and realize who your next super bowl champions will be.. know it, love it, believe in it..


Headed to a wedding lol. THIS SHOULD BE INTERESTING.

Following suit

I'm following suit wit this one LOL

10 random things bout me!

1. I hate wearing watches.. just annoys my wrist
2. I wear sean john "unforgivable"
3. Im infatuated with Nike Dunks
4. I listen to music regardless of what I am doing.. REGARDLESS..
5. I do most of the maintenance on my vehicles
6. I do them cause my father taught me all about basic vehicle maintanence
7. I have long ass eyelashes
8. I hate people who repeat themselves a lot
9. I bite my nails a lot, especially when playin the Playstation
10. I drive a bovarian motor works vehicle.. LOL

9 things to win my heart..

1. keep it real
2. Maintain confidence in me
3. COMMUNICATE
4. be spontaneous
5. be family oriented
6. Have goals
7. maintain yourself
8. rub my head lol
9. love yourself
10. DONT TRY.

8 things I wanna do before I die...

1. Go to Africa
2. Have children
3. Get married
4. Skydive
5. Drive a race car
6. Coordinate my own family reuinion
7. Start my own non-profit organzation
8. take MY FAMILY to church

7 ways to annoy me..

1. Double text me
2. repeat yourself to me too many times in a short period of time
3. have bad hygiene
4. Keep ma waiting
5. doubt me
6. micro-manage me
7. excessive critcism

6 Things I believe in..

1. GOD
2. LOVE
3. my family
4. my confidence
5. equality
6. never saying "cant"

5 things im afraid of..

1. failure
2. stagnance
3. failure
4. throat cuts
5. failure

4 of my favorite things

1. my PT
2. quality time
3. DALLAS COWBOYS
4. freedom

3 things I do everyday

1. QT with PT
2. wash my ass
3. work

2 Things I want to do right now

1. Jump in the SPA
2. EAT!

1 Person I want to see.

1. My uncle kerry who passed in 2005

Everything I touch.. turns to gold

I hate when motorcycle drivers try and slither
their way in between people when your sitting in
traffic. One of these days I'm gonna open ma door
and watch mr. motorcycle man go flying. I mean
there's no reason why I should have to veer to the
right a little just cause you wanna slither thru..

You ever feel like your achieving greatness at a
craft that u have repeated for an amount of time
to the point where you don't even feel like you
have to prepare for the next time you do it? To
be honest, I'm like that with interviews.. I have had
2 too many this last year, and it seems that I have
just becomed accustomed to being mr. professional
when I sit down in front of mr. john doe and the
panel of tight asses looking for their next money-
making workhorse.. I flash the pearlies, shake the
hand with authority, and with the ring of the bell
I'm goin for blood. Answerin questions with the
utmost efficiency, making all the eye contact in
the world (not too long for the males).. Using the
old school Bill Clinton hand motions to explain a
"good point"...its all become the norm.. and I leave
the site thinking, "another one bites the dust..."

..until I don't get the job.. LOL. But that hasn't
happened yet this year, so hopefully when that big
bad state gig comes knocking at my door, Ill be
able to put on that same hat.. and SWAG the hell
out them tight asses...

Previous Cats

Song of the day: "Previous cats" by Musiq- "I'm not
steven/anthony even/leroy or ivan/damn girl I've
been/ right there for you/since day one/ so where is
all this comin from...?

I was led in the direction of an interesting question
today about sex and abundance of partners. It was
interesting because of course people always wanna
know how many people someone has slept with.
Say being in a relationship with someone, and the
issue of how many comes up. Its interesting to me
to hear peoples insights because you have 2
extremes to the answer. I've known couples who
have broken up over the number of people the other
has frequented in their life, simply because he/she
was dissapointed in the number, and thus felt
"betrayed" by their spouse. Then you have the
other side that maintains that yes, while it may be
more than you wanted to know or thought of, you
understand that life is life, and there's no reason to
dwell on previous happenings. Noone can go back
and change what they have done and whom with.

I always wonder why someones spouse would get
angered by the previous happenings of ones prior
loves, interests, lusts, etc.. If indeed there is a
form of honesty in a relationship, and it is kept
as "real" as possible for the sake of growth in the
relationship, why if someone is being on the up and
up with someone deemed as bad if what is revealed
is hurtful?

Ill be the first to say, yes when I was younger, I
would have a small issue, or feeling in the pit of my
stomach when I found out something I didn't know
about my spouse from her previous, not fully in
understanding of why.. But as I get older, I say
I don't care. Noone you come across nowadays will
ever have the angelic story of, oh I've never blah
blah blah...(maybe except desy.. ;)) but its very
hard to find that. Instead, finding someone with
a feeling of self acceptance is clearly removing the
vice of insecurity, in my eyes.

my question... What constitues "whorish" activity
on both males and females to you? and have you
ever been in or know someone in a situation who
lost a loved one because something was revealed
to their disliking?

Loyalty

So I was talkin to -1- the other day, and I was told
that the little caesars pizzas out in Michigan are
only 5.00... Ours out here are 5.99, with tax, that
comes out to 6 something.. I feel like I'm getting
jipped out of a dollar. Call the alderman! JK.
I think one of the things that makes you feel like
people aren't really down for you is if you throw a
party, and out of all the people that you invite,
only 2 show up.. I mean inviting a good group of 20,
and only a couple 2 come to show support. It kinda
makes you feel like you have unreliable friends,
or maybe that small ounce of doubt in ya head says
"maybe I'm not that popular".. lol. Don't lie, I'm
sure its happened to you before. Shoot it happened
to me on my 16th birthday.

We had a party and everything, but because
someone else was having a party and there was
liquor there, that trumped my party smooth out lol
. But looking back at it, I remember telling myself
I wasn't gonna F wit the folks who didn't come to
my function again. I don't think I did either. And of
course the folks who didn't come hit you the next
few days later on some "see what had happened
was" type stuff, but by that time your minds set
and you don't care to hear it. Its funny how people
do other people who are there so called friends.
Loyalty is a dish that is served much less
frequently these days..

Ever happened to you?

See me at 3

See the door to the left? Yea. Thats mine. I have a door to the office that I currently live in. When you get an upgrade like that, you gotta flaunt it. SO I am. Though Im still afraid to close the door, LOL. Seeing as I just started this new gig a week ago. But, nonetheless, I still have a door. And that means I have a door to close when I want privacy.. HA!

Annoying moment of the month of June goes to: inconsistency and tardiness.. along with a dash of what the feezey?

I BBQ'ed again. This time for Q and T's bday. It came out well, of course it did. Ima grillmaster. But this was a highly unorganized bbq to say the least. I mean I wasnt the head of direction, I had the grill to do the Que and that is what I was responsible for. Everything else was up to the others. Dont be tardy to ya own bbq though brotha! LOL.. Folks started showing up and we had no food ready cause we had no lighter yet,plus we hadnt gotten all we needed. But all in all it turned out fine in the end. Your welcome yall for your good eats.. and my smoke inhalation.

Im sure every family has a favorite child.. well im not it. thats all I really have to say about that. BLAH.

Are you the favorite child?

Well..

So yea, I aint really had much to say lately. Bloggin
has become secondary on some days lol. But today
just seems like a great day to blog. Even though
the sun is blinded out by the smoke from the
northern cali fires, its still an ok day. Basically it
looks like LA everyday right now..

I recently bought the new coldplay album, "viva la
vida" and I would suggest to those who don't
already know about coldplay (shout to -1-) to go
cop the cd. Its not the normal music I have in
rotation on the reg, but it still has a calming
influence to say the least. So go support! I also
bought the Little Brother album "and justus for
all".. I mean its basically vintage little brother,
Phonte being the stronger of the two. I feel like
he is basically shittin on most LYRICISTS out
there.. aint a mention in the first of "l l l l lick it
like a lolllipop".. which is a waste of words for 3
minutes on a song, but that's for another day.. But
the album is great, and I wish LB had more love.
Anybody notice the angle Chris Brown is taking
nowadays? I can't say I'm mad at it really.. it
shows his versatility and willingness to change it
up.. I see you Brown.

sidenote: diddy is so stupid for his post BET awards
show lol.. this fool said "I made up this drink in my
own kitchen last night...3/4 lemonade, 1/4 ciroc..I
call it the diddy..." LOL where I'm from, thas called
a mikes hard lemonade hahaha... diddy, stop it.

And Chris Brown/Ciaras performance went to work! I feel like giggin
again, unbelievable I haven't danced for real, for real in a good
while..

Alicia Keys on the BET awards.. I HAVE NO
WORDS...*SIGH*

did I mention I got a new new job?

I found some old school pics of my cousin(prettyblackgold) and I from a
lonnng time ago lol.. I'm thinkin bout posting some family love up one
time..

Question of the day: do u have a favorite cousin?

Father.

Man. The man. THE MAN.. THEE MAN.

My father is the definition of that. When people mention a role model, or one who exudes what a man's man is, you look no further than POP. Simple as that. I have always had the luxury of having a father who has continued to be there for me, through any situation. For his family, for his friends. Strangers are drawn to my father because he is the type of man that lets you know who he is, even without stating much at all. From the cool cat smurk, to the too cool for school walk, its all instilled in pop.
I really dont have a lot to say today, because I would type until my thumbs hurt about my father. All I can really say is he is the truest form of man that I know, he has given me many life aspects and lessons that I take with me everywhere. I look at how he treats my lovely mother, and know for sure that I will have that as well when I start my life with my other half. He is the ultimate sacrificial man, simply put. Ive shared tears with my dad, Ive argued.. cheered on the cowboys, watched numerous races, seen him at his most stressed, and even at his most euphoric.. and all in all, that sparkle in his eye has never changed.. many ask me where I got my confidence from.. why i poke my pinky out when I sip a drink, the swag in the walk.. that cool talk.. and all I can attribute it to is him. The man is Billy Dee, Denzel and all those cats put in one, with a whole bunch of real man in him..

So heres to u pop,Happy Fathers day. I love you, I cherish you. And I know that not all people can have one, let alone one that is like you. Preciate you pop. Now lets get on these lobster tails!

Tagged.. Again LOL

So Ive been tagged by STEW.. so here goes.



MEME Rules:1. Put Your itunes/ music player on Shuffle2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT

After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!



IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY?”, YOU SAY? Mercy, Mercy me -Marvin Gaye

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Whassup-Teedra Moses (WOOOOOOW.... )

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? I aint gotta tell you- Neyo.. lol

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Affinity- Dwele

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? Where you belong- Bobby Valentino (umm..)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? Get on top- One Chance ft. Plies.. HAHAHA

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Superstar-Usher..

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? You girl- Trey Songz

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Beautiful- Tweet..HMM.. makes sense.

WHAT IS 2+2? Please dont stop- Vawn ft. Trey Songz

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Complicated-Nivea. so true

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? For a Lifetime- Teedra Moses

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? My life- Mary J. Blige.. thats creepy

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Presidential- Youngbloodz!

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Can I talk to you- Talib Kweli

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Only Human- Bobby Valentino

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Im so horny- Oobie.. hahaha

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Possible- Dwele

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? We could be- Keyshia Cole

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? The Boss- Rick Ross! that aint no secret..

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Calling all girls- ATL... lol

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS? Been a long time- New Birth

25 strong

Ah the birthday..I had a great weekend to say the least, full of family, friends, some drinks, some more drinks, and a lotta relaxation. On the 5th, we had my birthday party.. and it was fun to say the least. I didnt get ripped cause of course I had to be at work the next day.. Saturday, my actual birthday, we had the bbq.. and that was a lotta fun, especially cause I didnt have to BBQ for once..thanks pop.. and saturday night we went out again.. sunday, did nothing, and monday went to the WWE Raw show in Oakland.. I feel blessed to have had such a good weekend, and I cant complain at all.. heres some snaps!

Yea, finally

Song of the day- "I came back for you" by Lil Kim

ladies and gentleman, the first official blog from the new place of employment.. yea yea I know, but I just had to do it..

So I work for Blue Diamond Growers, the main almond suppliers all ova the world basically, and I am a lead exporter. Business cards coming shortly LOL. Basically I work with people all day shipping goods all over the world, we have big conglomerates coming in on occasion for business meetings, speaking minimal english but talking in the universal language of money. I enjoy it already so far, my cube is the size of 2.. my boss, T is real cool to say the least. She really only comes out maybe 3 times a day and checks up on everyone. She has this cool tone about her which makes it easy for me to talk to her. Shoot, I usually have a hard time talking to some supes cause they act like if you ask them for time off, itll be your last day ever. LOL. But shes coo. I still of course have the ladies around the office, but these ones are cut from a different grain. They cuss like me and the boys on the football field, or watching the Cowboys lose a game with pop (shout to PrettyBlack & Eb). So needless to say, since my boss has told me she expects me to stay here for a while, I have no objections.. GOD is good..

Tomorrow night is the birthday party (see the flyer below). Its been a hectic process seeing as we got shutdown the week before over some bullshit, but shoot, now we got it back and not a minute too soon. I plan on going, and having a few drinks, maybe poppin a bottle, taking many a picture, and just enjoying myself. Q says he gon get me lit to all damnation, but I gotta be to work at 8am the next day.. The money doesnt wait lol. I still have yet to get the haircut, and I still have to get a fit together. PT and I are goin to the mall today though, so that will be taken care of. Gotta be smooth on the night of!!

This weekend, Ill be having my BBQ for the actual birthday, just a real intimate setting with the friends and loved ones. Im just happy to have made it another year,a quarter century.. lawd!

Feels good to blog again.

WELL.. HERE IT IS..

Guess what. . .

I got that good ole J.OB.
I bounce back like 32.. jump back like 33

:)

So I got a rank 2 on the test that I took on Monday
like I pretty much figured I did. I'm satisfied with
what I got, seeing as there were things that I did
not fully comprehend. So a rank 2 is good for me. I
can get picked up with that, so I'm happy.
This weather is really something else, I swear. It
was 101 last weekend, by Wednesday it was
cloudy, and yesterday it rained lol. This should be
an interesting summer, off top.
The indy 500 is on today, for all the race fans..
pop and I are just chillin and watchin the loooong
race ahead...

Have a great sunday ..

Whip ass, let security carry em out...

So I have a test for a county position in the
morning, and I'm sitting here in my bed on the kick
posting this. I find that me not really doing much
prep for a test leaves my brain blank and makes it
easier for me to process things when I take the
test, instead of writing the stale answer you may
study from.. so hopefully I do well on the test.
The hardest part is just waking up and getting
there, once I'm in, the zone gets turned on, and I
float. Tonight would be a great time for a dark
shower...

I feel like something will come into fruition for me
soon. Shoot, relfecting on the last 6 months and
how many negative things have happened to me,
I can't really get any lower on the totem pole.. lol.
optimism is key though, to stopping this redundant
tune from being played on the piano of life.. So I
plan on puttin my foot up this tests ass one time!

Besides, not being in the office has killed ma blog
posts. haha.

Damn my birthdays in 3 weeks.. and I have no clue
what the theme of my birthday party is gonna be.
HELP!!!!

YA MUDAH!!!

So mothers day was a nice day, we got together and had a bbq for all our ladies of our lives.. I enjoyed myself to the fullest, and made sure that mom and moms alike were taken care of. SO, here it is.. LOL.







































1. Thats pop, gramps, and my grandmother
2. Grandmother lookin fly.
3. Pop and I. Thats where the swag comes from.
4. My beautiful mother.. She gave me my smile.
5. Q actin a fool .. LOL

So it was a nice day.. I finally got me a digital. So I'm in the game!

Take off your cool

Unleash it
let it out..
the layer which negatively
pulls at your doubt
doubt that this indeed
will never proceed,
that we as one,
will never achieve

take off your cool,
let your warmth be exposed..
as i examine your hearts beat,
which you have composed..

Just allow me to search,
through layer number two
the layer which never
allows you to do
never lets your eyes wander,
further than the heart will allow
but let me explore it,
to crumble the walls down

take off your cool,
let your brain be exposed
as I examine your mind game
which you have composed

If possible please
I'd like to see
the potential that lies
in layer number three
the layer of strength
and everlasting pride
now let me approach
push doubt and blindness aside
for this layer now
is stubborn and sweet
at the same time complex
and somewhat unique

So take off your cool,
let your strength be exposed
as I examine your power,
that which you have composed

May I please have a tour
of layer number four
the section of you
with the sexy allure
the body,
the sway,
the forever foreplay,
the deep eye contact
the fierce approach
the "Im A lady...and I know it"
and damn sure not a hoe..

Take off your cool,
let your swagger approach
as I examine your complexity
which you have exposed..

And finally,
let me feel your sincerity
layer 5's emotional pull
that exposes dexterity
gives me hope for the future
gives me smiles of the past
makes me want to succeed
down loves unknown path...
tugs at my brain patterns
forces me to indulge
in a scene so serene..
and a life full of love..

So take off your cool,
let sincerity approach
as I examine your tenderness
which you have composed...

..Take off, your cool..


Copyright, Mistaswag2008

I.N.C.O.N.S.I.S.T.E.N.C.Y

Song of the night- "Step yo game up" by Snoop

Let me tell you a story of inconsistency. And let
me fill you in on my thoughts of those people that
surround me with that negative vibe. First, my
resoultion for the new year was to dissolve my
ties with inconsistent people in my life, and I can
say that I've been doing well on it. But it still
shows its stanky nature from time to time.

If someone were to ask u to help them move, and
gave you a specific time that they wanted to
start, the logical thing would be to think that they
too are on that same schedule right? The logical
assumption would be if you say 7am on Saturday,
that's when I should be geared to work. Well I was
placed in a situation where I was up and ready, and
the helpee( I know) was nowhere to be found. I
know that if I want someone to help me I'd be
blowing their phone up with directions of what I
want them to do, however, on the day of the
assignment, I received NO phone call.
Here comes the rub: I can almost guarantee that
when I speak to Mr. inconsistent, "man I tried to
call you.." or, " I had told u directions beforehand.."
WHYY.. are you so inconsistent?.. don't waste my
time with selfish nature, assuming that everyone
is free to cater to you when you need. I don't live
in a dictatorship. So Swag the jester is not at your
leisure..ah man. Makes my head hurt. If you ask for
my help, and want my help, then follow thru.

2. Let me tell you about a lazy waiter at dennys.
Who, as he approached us to help, pulled out a chair
and sat down with us, talkin bout "phew... aight yall
whassup.." Let me tell you how it took the man 10
minutes to get a water order( the tip was killed by
then).. this fool was really on his cell phone at
work, waiter work...wtf? let me also tell you how
as he brought out our janky orders, which took 15
minutes to get done, he spilled syrup all over my
nike dunks, which I cherish so much...

Waiter: *syrup spills, all ova ma shoe..he looks
down at the mess* "aww shit... ma bad man..uhh,
what you want a rag or somethin dude?"...

Me: *stares at waiter*...

The waiter said shit at work..lol. wow. I have never
received more shotty service then Saturday night.
Not only was the food stale, the service was
all bad, dumbass spilled syrup on my shoes, didn't
even bother to offer anything but a damp paper
towel, and then has the nerve to get mad when we
all walked out of the dennys not paying for the
meal. I won't lie, I was annoyed at the days
precedings, and the fact that I was made to wait
on peoples slowpoke asses all day, and inconsistent
asses all day.. so this was the straw that broke
the back. I didn't even bother running to the car. I
just walked. And his lazy ass strolled out to the
parking lot, almost like he knew he messed up,
and watched me drive off..I don't feel remotely bad
for not paying for a meal with that stanky service.
I should go back just to do it again..

I'm sleepy now. bottom line. stop being inconsistent
and realize its much easier to follow thru. You
might make more shots then you miss.

Its our anniversary...hey yeaah.. lol

HAPPY 31ST ANNIVERSARY TO MY PARENTS, I
am so happy that thy have endured times tales,
and not allowed anything to come between them.
Its a blessing to see a full on family built from
them, and their longevity stands strong. Mom, Dad
you are truly a blessing to all you have come
across.. I LOVE YOU.

your only son,
Swag

100 posts strong.

Song of the day- "Been a long time" by New Birth...

So. This is officially my 100th post! Id like to thank the lord, my parents, the people, the readers, and my brain... OFF TOP. LOL.

This is something that I do to release those millions of thoughts going on in my head at any time.. I let yall into my life outside of my life, the life that many dont see, hear about or experience.. and for all the insights and laughs yall give me, I appreciate you..

So. This past weekend was one that was enjoyable to say the least. Had a great time meeting new people, and spending just great growing time.. I went to a wedding, and to say the least, it was an interesting wedding... T's cousin was getting married, and his wife to be is of filipino/indian descent.. Well, T's cousin is of course black, so its an interracial thing. We got there around the time the bride and groom kissed, I wasnt really trippin, it was windy outside and it was in the grass. The bar was providing free drinks for the first hour, so you know I was happy LOL.

As everybody comes on in and everything is commencing, Im meeting more family members and such.. a nice little atmosphere. Well it comes time for the wedding party to speak, and then the parents.. well, the brides father, the indian part of her, was up next..

It went something like this.. LOL.

Father: "Id like to thank everyone for coming, Im happy my daughter looks beautiful on her happy day. I cannot say that I am the most happy father right now, nor can I say I really have approved of the marriage, seeing as we had someone planned for my daughter already. But she looks beautiful nonetheless.."
*sidenote* A brotha at our table was cosigning so tough while pops was talkin.. "I respect him at least he keeps it real, bla bla bla.." We were all lookin at this brotha like "shutup!!!!"

We, sitting on the side of the black family, were all open-mouthed.. LOL. the stern approach he put into the statement was what struck me the most, I mean he held not a punch and let the whole congregation know he was not all for the marriage.. I understand the indian culture to a certain extent and know that whole arranged marriage situation, as well as those families disowning their children should they marry outside of their race/culture.. Serious stuff..he also mentioned his daughter was the last descendant of an indian prince.. I got weak when Q said " well I guess that means that lineage is killed.. no more aladdin!".. sorry. LOL

So, next, the mom (whos filipino) gets up.. We all shakin our heads like how can this get worse, the tension on the black side is boiling at this point. So here comes filipino mom..

*sidenote 2*.. a filipino woman married to an indian man.. yet he has reservations about his daughter with a black man... *scratching my head*

Mom: "Im so happy to have D in our family, we expect great things and are happy to have him, this just makes it that much better and we have more COLOREDS in our family..*smile*"

.. DID SHE JUST SAY COLOREDS????

Awww man.. aww man.. lol. I respect my people for their patience cause noone set it off in that mutha, thank goodness.. needless to say, the reception was a hit in my book.. There was a waiter that had on an extra medium shirt when he shouldnt have, looked like he had a b cup at least.. then there was a brotha that had a jheri curl with maximum hangtime like Darryl from "Coming to America".. I was gettin weak offa him drippin juice into peoples champagne all day HA.

All in all, the weekend was full of relaxation, good food.. (red lobster, a japanese hibachi place called ooka, so many otha spots.. ) and just overall great time spent. I needed it too, especially cause Im back on the grind and pushing hard to get a new gig.

Questions: How do you feel about interracial dating? how would you feel if your child brought home someone of another race? How were you raised to believe on interracial dating?

Pssst..

So, I'm back. :) In an okay mood. Had a selectively
good weekend, and now I'm back to my grind.
Nothing feels better then getting away from your
stresses...until you come right back to em. BLAH.

So, how ya doin?

Tag!

So Ive been tagged by The Flyyest and The F$%K it list dammit! LOL.. well here it is..

Here are the rules:
1. Link the person who tagged you…

2. Mention the rules in your blog…

3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours

4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them

5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged


Heres me. Ina nutshell.

1. When we were younger, my sisters and I used to have a "national cuss day" where we would walk around the house saying any cuss word known to man. Of course it was usually in the summertime, cause our parents would be at work. So we would be cleaning the house, watching tv and stuff and then outta nowhere, "shit!" hahahaha..It was a great time for us, cause we felt free.. and would laugh and laugh and laugh..good times with my sisters when I was younger.

2. I'm a mentor. I like to take time outta my life and help or lead by example to some youngsters in my life. I enjoy doing it, since such a great example was set for me by my father.. its easy to talk to young people, and with kids they see the good in you, and the genuine step in your approach. So I have an easy time with them. I may not be the millionaire with all the quirks, but I still like to see the best outta people.

3. I kinda have ESP. I have been known to say a lotta things that people are thinking and then they say " I was just gon say that!!!".. Its the worst with my best friend Q, we been around each other for so long that I just know what the brotha is thinking. He hit me up on the way home from work yesterday and was like "whatup mayne, what you up to?".. i said "driving down bradshaw.." and at the same time we said "yea, drivin down JBL.." hahaha.. and laughed and laughed.. its crazy.. I really think I can steal peoples brain waves..So watch out!

4. I sometimes take showers in the dark. Helps my thought process and helps me clear my head in times of confusion. I probably have been taking quite a few in the dark lately with all this confusion in some aspects of my life.. Just letting the water run down and clearing my head. In this world of noise and cell phones, me and the shower quiet is a surefire relief.

5. I give great massages. I was actually taught by my old friends mom the techniques, she gave me a book and stuff and taught me some strategies. Its refreshing to get a good massage, so I wanted to know how to give that feeling. Now I know.

6. I have a shy side. Doesn't come out a lot, but it is there. I like to lie to myself and say I'm reserved, but in reality, its the shyness that I have always had and still kinda do to this day. Like I said its rare, but if you see me slip to the back of the room, its the shy in me lol..

So theres some things about me...hmm.. I think most everyones been tagged lol.

Ask me...

SOOOOOO..Im following suit today LOL


"ASK ME ANYTHING..... "


heres ya chance . Ill answer.

Last I checked, im grown...

Song of the day- .. AINT NO SONG OF THE DAY. My speakers at work dont work. so all I been hearing all day is ruffling papers. Everybody get on that "stomp" hype and make beats at ya desk.. boom boom clack!


So yesterday, as Im coming back from Carl's Jr/Green Burrito with my nachos, and Mrs. Crazy weave (bosslady) calls me in her ofice with this dumb smirk on her face. Lookin like she just found her favorite easter egg or something, she proceeds to tell me she has some good news. Apparently, she has "manipulated" the powers that be to keep us around another week, since next week is "administrative appreciation day" on Wednesday. I mean shes giddy, happy as a 6 yr old on christmas morning. Im just sitting there looking at her like, OK... so I consider it and tell her ill stay, I go back to my desk and ponder over some things and get to thinking. Yea Im happy I get to get another weeks check, GOD's way of helping me out a little longer until my next job comes.. preciate that lord.. but Ill be damned if I sit here and get treated like kunta kinte.. see, I know whats going on. They got all this backlogged work, and they dont have noone to do it until the permanents actually get here, give or take a couple weeks. But, im not the one to sit and wait for you to tell me that next week, wait not this week the week after.. wait maybe in 2 weeks, will be my last day. Im already in the negative mindset around here that Im just trying to make some connections and do it movin from the spot that dropped me like a 2.00 hooker..yet you want me to be ecstatic when you tell me YEYYY! WE GOT YOU ANOTHA WEEK OFFA DEATH ROW!

...miss me..with that.

So Im happy to gain another check, and be able to live comfortably a little longer, granted I fully expect to be blessed with a new gig sooner than later. But for the record, my birthday aint June 7th 2003.. its June 7th, 1983.. I told my boss I fully feel like yall givin me the toddler treatment.. toyin with me..and last I checked.. Im grown

WOMP..

Rock Solid... Sometimes

I was reminded today of a situation I had to endure last year around this time this morning while reading -1-'s blog.. And how that situation really affected my mental.

It was when a friend of mine was killed, hit by a bullet in the back of the neck/head area.. I wont forget how long I was at the hospital that evening, and how long everything seemed to take. I wont forget that we were really good friends, and that I was kickin it with my girl Drea, Silvia, my boy Rell and Rip when Drea got the call that someone had been shot at the club down the way. It was an 18 and over spot, so naturally I declined on going.. I decided instead to have a nice night and eat some food from friends who loved to cook for fellow loved ones... but as we got to the club it was something different, seeing as we thought it was her sister and not her that had been shot.. and that it wasn't as major as it may have seemed.. But when I found out it was "Keeb", things shifted. My little homies came up to me knowing that we were close and were hysterical about the situation, screaming that they saw her get shot and that she was bleeding all over the place..all I could do was kinda search around and try to find a resolution to the issue at hand.

I saw her cousin running around without shoes on and screaming at the top of her lungs.. she saw me, and of course she probably could tell I didn't entirely know what was going on. Assuming I was probably with keeb's boyfriend ( we kicked it a lot at the time) she hysterically asked me "Wheres T!!!!!".. nobody knew where he was, I'm still wondering what happened, and allthewhile shes shaking and screaming about T needs to know..T needs to know.. So once I finally found out the whole situation, and realized my boy did not know his girlfriend was in rapid pace to the ER, I chose to make the call to him. Not sure why, looking back, would I not have called and had him find out another way? I don't know, but it burdened me..and I was THE most nervous on the phone Ive been in my life..

"T, get inya car man.. this aint good.. iono whas goin on, but I guess keeb got shot and she on the way to tha hospital... I need you to get her right now T.. Please man.. cmon.."

"wait..wait..wait.. wut? swag don't play with me man, what you talkn about.. what you tryna tell me man?!?!?!

He got hysterical and hung up the phone.. got there about 10 minutes later looking around. I told him to follow me to the hospital and we would go from there, but instead he just sped off without me.. So I jump into my whip and speed to the hospital as well..called him about 5 times, he finally picks up and walks out. Apparently, shes in the ER and they are tryna revive her cause the shot was direct..this is where the situation worsened..it was difficult enough for me to know that my friend was laying there fighting for her life, but at the same rate to see my boy going through the motions, killed me on the inside.. We stepped outside, cause he couldn't be in the hospital, and he literally broke all the way down.. a man with tears down his face trying to force out the words "shes trying, swag.. shes fightin!!!" please.. just let her get through man.. please swag.. I cant do this without her.." and so on and so forth..

..I can seriously say that I wont ever forget that moment.. EVER.

I couldn't do anything at all. helpless. In a life where sometimes my words can help a situation with a little uplifting jargon, I couldn't say a word.. I couldn't move.. I couldn't cry.. I wont forget that moment.. helpless as a newborn baby..and my boy was losing his rock..his love..

For about 15 minutes all I could really say to him was "she gon make it T, you know she strong...shes a fighter..".. if at any time I felt like there was no one in the world but me and someone else, that was really it. 15 mins felt like 15 years that night. Eventually his mom got there, her family had to drive all the way from the bay area, and people started to show up.. emotions flowed, and there was about 40 people in the hospital waiting room.. I noticed 2 things happen, and I'm not sure everyone else noticed it.. myself and Drea did though. They said code blue in the wing she was in, and then the chaplain snuck out.. I saw it and kinda dropped my head, and Drea tried to hold it in, but she exploded.. it caused a chain reaction cause now everyone was noticing that the situation just got worse.. I still couldn't cry, I don't think that my face changed expression for fear that if someone saw the change of emotion, it would read so tough from my face that I already knew Keeb had passed, they would know and it would be a wrap.. Once it was found out she wouldn't make it, well needless to say.. it was indeed a wrap. I still stood still, and emotionless.. T, well.. T just.. I don't know. I cant explain it through my fingers.

I just kinda stood there, trying to take everything in. And then I had to take people home, still tryna remain the rock. As I dropped off the last person, I realized that I had just gone through the death of a good friend.. and I also had to fly out the next morning at 8am to Texas for my grandmothers funeral.. If ever in life I had zero energy, and no feeling, complete numbness and was seriously moving on autopilot only knowing where I was at the smallest moment in time, it was at that point. I went home, I sat down.. couldn't believe anything, and I just released.. I ain't cried that hard since.. well..ever. I think this is the first time Ive written about it..still hurts to think on it. But I'm better with it.

I have had many a situation where Ive had to remain composed and be the rock for people. I don't knock it at all, I take it as HIS way of maybe showing me I have a strong soul and can take tough times.. I was mad this whole weekend, going into this week about my job situation, but no matter how hard I tried to be mad.. I don't stay that way. I regain the composure, and just keep moving. I may have a word of wisdom for someone going thru it, and I take it head on.. even in times of death. Some say holding it in and releasing it finally is bad, but maybe sometimes if people see the composure from me, they may see that it indeed will be ok.. I don't know. But im not complaining.

When it rains...

Song of the day- "Aint that a bitch" by Lil Wayne...

Here. we. go. again..

I noticed a trend happening in my life. Something drastic always seems to happen towards the beginning of every year inthe first 6 months leading up to my birthday (June 7th) that throw me for a loop, and have me back at square 1.

So its already a known fact that I moved outta my home this week, and officially spent the first night back at my parents on Wednesday. Im leaving the house around 10ish, goin to my folks house to kikit wit the extended fam for a little bit, release some stress, and of course as Im leaving I hear "dont come back too late!.. and dont chu be drinkin and drivin.. bla bla bla bla bla"..with a shake of my head I walked out the door in disgust.. Its already started... I slept in thiis full size bed for the first time in like 4 years, so used to stretching out in my good ole cali king.. this transistion is not going to be an easy one. I have plans to go to the lake this weekend and hang out with all of the loved ones, I can hear it tomorrow already..

mom: " I need you at the house all day today to do any and every small thing I ask, including just look at me so I know you aint doing anything but that..." (exaggerated...but you get the point)

me: " momma, I have plans..."

mom: "NO.. YOU DONT..." (insert argument..)

They say silence is golden at times, but me being me, and being ina situation where something is not right and affecting me, I will speak up.. so I know it will be very hard to grit my teeth and shut up for this stint in cell block 9476..*i feel a migraine coming*

My boss called me into the office on Wednesday to talk about a quick assignment. So as we talked about it and finished up the subject, she kindly inserts.." oh by the way, seeing as we just hired on the 2 new perms, and your a temp to hire, your last day of your assignment will be the 18th of this month..."

...... wait... wut?

my job is a 6 month temp to hire position, of which Ive been doing well at and had the utmost that I would get swooped up with open arms come August. I was told when I started, it would be a minimum of 6.. (1,2,3,4,5,6).. months. But out of the blue, with the sneakiest and most nonchalant way to say things, she told me Im outta here.. NEXT WEEK. a weeks notice. And the bitch gon have the nerve to sit here and talk to me like I never worked there.. "the county is a great place to work, I think you should take a few tests, you might like it here... ".

...wait....wut? *migraines here..*

SO, as of the 18th of April, barring some help from the woman who hired me, I will once again, be without steady income.. *shakes head* I spoke with Laura, the woman who hired me, and she assured me of course she didnt know about this situation, and they had nothing but great things to say about me here.. its just that the perms they hired are filling the role.. keep in mind, they hired OA's.. ima Sr. OA... 2 different positions..so Im on the short end of the stick. A woman just resigned here yesterday, I just found out..So you would think in the time of need, they wouldnt let anyone go... this bass ackward place is about to feel my wrath. I called in yesterday, on some fuck you type ish.. I didnt care.. and still dont.

7:55am (5 mins b4 start time).. me: "Hi, im not coming in today"
snaggertooth boss: "oh, well is everything alright?"
me: "yup, just not coming. bye.."

Needless to say, she should know whassup. So now, once again, im back at square 1. Frustrated, annoyed, but at the same rate, I cant let this faulter me. But the feeling of the weight of the world is on my back strong.. and I have no pain killers..

3. Today my truck overheated.. turns out one of the pipes or somethin leading to my radiator is busted, causing a healthy leak of the fluids.. felt real shitty to shut down on the way to my parents house for some lunch.. ANOTHER thing to deal with..

They say it happens in 3's.. well dammit, this 3 pointer has all but ended my career in retrospect..

WHO NEEDS A DRINK....

Miss FreshTaDef...

A zone restricted to those,
that only take it in stride
Learning to glide with the flow
not only go..
it takes many a man
to understand
why the world does not turn the otha way..
but I deal with what I deal with
and ultimately my faith na'er stray...
Living and walking
wit an urge to succeed
not even the downfalls
of my elder men reiterated
stop ma strive to need..

Need lust for life,
lust for her,
lust to live,
lust for birth..
I take it all in
with a breath and a smirk,
and realize maturity is the ultimate work..

Whether Miss Freshtadef cut open the wound
that allowed the skies to fly
remains to be seen
to my naked eye.

Though an individual
can influence the world
somehow it seems
that in my eyes
possibly I've been influenced
by this girl..
Her indefinite happiness
shadowed with the trials that life brings
the sturdiness of the backbone
the sexiness she perceives..
taking full advantage of what's thrown in direction
ensuing the utmost attention
amongst hidden protection..
tho 5 minutes not enough to know
and realize ones full potential,
like a lottery team with its first pick
investment controls any aspects
taken by my mental..

Indeed,
freshness stings the air
with so much perception
the namesake so fitting
when she looks in my direction..
So hence tha name
Miss Freshtadef..
without knowing outcome
of jumping from that incredulous cliff
I still proceed
to take the first step..

She is...



*written and copyrighted by MistaSwag, any use of this will result in my snipers shooting u down.. *

Well...

Song of the day- "Sunshine" by Lupe Fiasco- "outta the trillions of numbas thas in tha world/ just leave me a few/ that lead to you/ wont be longin/ Ill see you in the monin, coo?

Random: remember JS? The duo that came out with "ice cream" and "love angel"..? Kels thought he was gonna make it big with those ladies (he and mr. biggs), but somehow they flopped.. hmm. I listened to the cd this morning, and it really was not that bad of a cd. Exhibit A

I was sick as a dog last week, hence no posts since tuesday.. I rarely get sick, but when I do, and Im actually not stubborn enough to admit im sick, its pretty bad. Everyone in my office has caught the sickness and here I was walkin round head held high with vitamin c in hand proudly displaying my mucus free nose.. UNTIL wednesday night when I couldnt sleep and it felt like my back was trying to come thru my stomach, and my nose was full of molasses. Not a good look to say the least. When Im sick and cant sleep, or when my back is killing me, I tend to just sit up in a random area of the house and stare into nothingness, trying to find a reason or cure for the sickness. Medicine never works immediately so its suffering for about 30 mins. Well I found myself sitting on the arm of the couch for a good 45 mins (245-330AM) looking nowhere.. and in pain. Next day went to Dr. Momma and got some stuff.. I swear i was poppin pills like an ecstacy addict all day. I work with a sense of urgency when Im sick.. But nonetheless, I Mike Tyson'd that ish.. and by saturday I was cool. But man, those 4 days were hell... I hate gettin sick.

*sidenote* my ears are still popping, and have been since Wednesday.. damn.

I used to have a crop of hair...I jus noticed.

FOO!..... he in the house.

Song of the day-"shopaversary" by Trey Songz- "no baby I aint forget/you like that ice/ so you can keep it on/ while we do it..."

So I got a prank pulled on me today. Im doin ma usual lunch time activity (sleepin in my truck, I have an hour lunch and that hour nap sometimes feels like eternity). I take a nap everyday for 2 reasons. One, cause I'm still not a morning person, probably never will be. So I'm really mum until about 10, but fade out of energy by 12. So I have to recharge the batteries. And 2, cause I work with nothing but women, who gossip all day, about Coach purses and how they cheat on their boyfriends of many many years (let-it-out, dont be that woman! LOL). I pretty much dont have much to say to them when it all comes down to it so I aint about to sit at lunch and look down their throats.. Anyways, Im comin down from the nap euphoria, in that stage where your eyes are still closed but you really awake, when i hear a knock on my window. I turn around, and a white lady is motioning to me.. "You cant sleep in your vehicles on lunch sir".. My building is connected with the sherrifs dept. so shes like "Ima supervisor at the sherrifs dept and its against the rules to sleep in the parking lot on lunch. You can sleep in the break room though.." im still groggy so im like "gurgle, mumble, blah, huh?." Then she busts out laughing LOL. Turns out she used to work here and wanted to meet me.. dang. I got caught. Ah well.

I pulled a prank last year where I had my email admin take me off of the distro list for the day, I told some of my folks I had gotten fired for spitting in the big bosses face, made it sound all convincing, got real mad and mushfaced about it.. screamin and such talkin bout, "Man efff them suckas! He gon get in ma face and ish, I told him to get out ma face, and since he didnt I spit on his dumb ass!".. So I told em to email me since they thought I was lyin, and since my name was no longer on the distro, it looked like I had been removed from the system LOL..good prank to say the least.

I found a cd last night of Alicia Keys "you dont know my name" burned 15 times on it.. LOL. Obviously I love that song. It got me thinkin on some things, and how that song hit me, then the video came along and solidified my "love" for her. Then I read EB's blog about wondering what her future hubby was doing at that exact moment. Its an interesting concept to think about that, cause ultimately theres someone there for each one of us and is building themself up to be with you whether either of you know it or not. The ultimate plan. I think on that sometimes like all the things im doing, or have been scripted by GOD to do, all lead up to the ultimate plan he has for me. I cant even really think of the fact of being married, having my own child and doing the family man face as of right now. Not saying I dont want it, but my life leading up to now has never been about that, and I dont intend for it to be for a while of course. Yet im almost 25, so time pushes faster and faster. Maybe ill get into that later, but I think its an interesting thought to think about what your soulmate/lover/"ONE" is doing at this exact moment. And if they may be thinkin the same about you, without knowing its you.. that sleepless in seattle type junk. (sets that subject on the backburner for future reference)

Movin cool...

HORRIBLE Song of the day- "love in this club" by Usher. I really dont get songs like this, I mean its not really that catchy. Plus, the song talks about somebody "makin love" in the club.. LOL. I mean whens the last time you saw candles lit, background music playing softly, eye contact and real good Teddy P love making.. IN THE CLUB. And Im sure that I am not the only person who feels that Ush will never do any better than "confessions" (also see "miseducation of lauryn hill...)

I was reading Dejanae's blog, and she mentioned blogging on the weekends, something I rarely do. Maybe I should, seeing as most of the blogs i write are spur of the moment thoughts. Just a thought.

So, I recently found out I have to move back home with my mother and father. My sister and I have our own house, nice lil 4 bed 2 bath get up that suits both of us well. Anyways, we have to move out of the house, and back into our parents house. Little situation to help family, which I cant really say I have a problem with at all. Family is family, and love is love. At the end of the day, we all have each others backs unconditionally. I am mad I wont be living in my own home anymore, well for the time being. One thing I am having trouble with is the fact of actually living at my parents house again. I mean the last time I was there was at age 21, so ive been gone almost 4 years, and have gotten thoroughly used to having my own space and privacy. On any given day you can hear a pin drop in my house its so quiet, my sister and I dont bother each other, she has her schedule, I have mine. Friends come thru, we kickit, and then they are gone. I maintain the cleanliness of the house, and everything is everything..
But now I have to go back to the rule of the parental units. Which is not going to be a good transistion. I'm almost 25, sis will be 27 in April. These arent the same 2 kids that used to live in mom n dads house. My mother, oh how I love my mother.. but its a known fact that we but heads at times. My mother lives by the "my way or no way" creed, and me.. well I like to think for myself. They dont bother big sis really, shes got her career setup, and is doin her. She has always run by the beat of her own drum, and since shes the favorite (everyone has a favorite sibling.. ) she pretty much can do her. Me, well im the baby boy. The only son. Pops instills in me to continue the legacy, which I dont have a problem with. And momma, well she still looks at me as the little boy runnin around bumpin his head off the walls. So she hits me with the ridicule ona daily.
Ive gotten used to the nick nack and the nagging.. it happens, and sometimes I get frustrated and lash out only to apologize, and other times I just smile and say, "ok, momma..." So needless to say, this move back in will be an interesting one. Im thinking that I may just invest in getting another place outside of home with Q. We talked about it, and for sanity's sake.. I may have to approach that option full speed ahead. I wont last a month in my parents house without pullin what hair I have on my head out. And thats real LOL.

*Sidenote*.. Am I the only one who's momma will always tell you what to do,even when you already are in route to do it???.. I will tell my momma on Friday, "Im gonna come ova tomorrow round noon.." . She will call me on Saturday at 1135 talkin about " I need you to come ova to the house.. so come ova. And hurry up.. "... WTF?? Didnt I already say I was comin ova? Or Ill be cleaning her kitchen, and she will come to the balcony talkinbout, "make sure you clean that kitchen before you leave!!!!"... Momma and her controls.. *sigh*